Gratitude and Miracles!

This week was full to the brim! 

Last P-day we accomplished one of the biggest priorities on my bucket list and learned how to make pierogi (pierogi is already plural: one pieróg, mulitple pierogi - so you can avoid the whole pireogis mistake) with Barbara, a member from the branch here in Warsaw. She was baptized toward the end of my stay and is full of fun and love! 

As assistants we are able to visit different district meetings so met with Warsaw II (the other branch in Warsaw) and it went so well. The Spirit was strongly felt and there was love. Sister Johnston shared a segment about humility and gratitude, I had started to fall back into the self-doubting, what-have-I-accomplished, who-have-I-helped trap. It was exactly what I needed to hear, to stop worrying about what I don't have or what others do have and be grateful for what I personally do have, which is so much. 

We had district conference yesterday (like stake conference but we have districts in Poland - basically a gathering of church members from our region of of the country) and it was so so good. The weather has been beautiful this past week making everyday light and happy. There was a special spirit and strength at the meeting. Dominika was there, she just got back from he mission in Chicago. She is from Łódź (a city a couple hours from Warsaw) and was in the MTC with Elder Retallick and I. It was fun to see her after all of this time and be able to speak with her this time. She was able to bear her testimony and also talked about gratitude. I had already started to forget Tuesday's district meeting and was thankful for the reminder. Being grateful is so important, it changes our attitudes and points of view. 

People and Miracles:

Anja: on March 15 2014 I met Anja with Elder Wilson at Park Żeromskiego and had a wonderful lesson. I remember thinking to myself she is somebody I would be life long friends with. She saw us once later as she drove by and waved but nothing much. Then March 13 2015 (nearly a year to the day) Elder Fogg stops a young lady while we are on a whiteboard in old town. I look over to somebody that seems familiar to find her beckoning. It is Anja! Life has gotten harder this past year and she seemed in a more solemn mood. She was in a hurry and promised that if she saw us a third time she would give what we have to say a real shot. I've been on the look out ever since. 

Long braid girl: also during my time in Żoliborz, I bumped into a high school girl with a long, dark brown braid. It was multiple times (maybe 5) all in different areas and even with different companions (Elder Wilson, Elder Platter...) I remember her being an extremely kind and faithful Catholic, always smiling and wishing us well. As we did a white board by the university we bumped into each other once again! She is older, now at college and as nice as ever. Again, she was in a hurry and we didn't have too long to talk but she distinctively remembered me and at the end said "we will surely see each other again soon" - I hope we do because coincidences don't exist.

Asad: I'm not sure if you remember the two men from Afghanistan we met with when I was in Warsaw with Elder Garrett, but Elder Retallick and I bumped into Asad on the street near our place this week. So many reunions and they all remember - another answer to a prayer when I am feeling like I haven't made any impact. 

Zbyszek: Another former acquaintance I was able to get in contact with. He is doing about the same, right now we are waiting to see if he is ready to truly change. He is a super nice guy. While he was in Kraków recently he was at a milk bar (a cheap restaurant with traditional polish cuisine) and saw some sister missionaries. I am grateful that Heavenly Father is preparing people in little ways and that those sisters fulfilled their callings as examples. 

Luc and Maryana: Luc is from Congo and Maryana is from Ukraine. They have five kids and are working to get married, currently waiting on legal matters to be resolved. We visited their family yesterday with Sisters Kuchar and Woodward. Elder Retallick and I used our super rusty french - it was a mix of polish, english, and french to try to ensure everybody understood. They are in a tricky spot but the gospel has helped them a lot and their home is full of love. Luc was baptized in Congo when he was 11 but never went to church much after that. A few months ago he decided that he needed to return, told Maryana and then they came to church. Maryana was skeptical at first but after reading the Book of Mormon believes this is the true church. They travel over an hour with their five kids on public transport to come to church each week! 

Dawid: Elder Blom and I met with Dawid when I was in Warsaw last and now we are back in touch. Last year we were meeting in May and when we invited him to be baptized he mentioned a date in April coming to mind (we weren't convinced seeing it was about a year away). Now, nearly a year later, we invited him to be baptized April 25, he paused and said that April 2011 was the day of his spiritual rebirth and he accepted the date. It's exciting. He is super busy but really with it. My favorite parts of meeting with investigators are often the prayers. This past week Dawid prayed, "Thank you for this elders who are greatly fulfilling their missions." I have been worrying about if he understands everything and is ready to make this step but then when I remember moments like that I remember that it is all about the Spirit and having the simple desire to follow Christ, giving up our will for Heavenly Father's. 

I love Elder Retallick. I also love Elders Burdick and Weggersen (currently zone leaders in Katowice so they call in every night). They all helped me get through this week by building me up and being true friends. I am lucky. 

We have zone conference this week I am super excited! 

Love,

Starszy Kimball

What is to be done?

This past week I have thought a lot about what I am presenting to people on the street. With travel and busy schedules we weren't able to meet with many people this week so spent a good chunk of time out on the streets finding. Elder Retallick and I were able to have some meaningful conversations. There was one night that we had two conversations each time with a younger guy where we were able to be natural, funny, bold, and speak from the heart. It was fulfilling.

Joseph Smith's story and the restoration have never been at the root of my beliefs. Of course I assert the happenings to be true but I never focused on the story itself. My conviction of the validity of Joseph Smith's claims always came from the fruits of the restoration, for example the Book of Mormon or temple blessings that allow families to be sealed, connected forever. These truths resonated in my heart and are proof of the restoration but this past week I found a new conviction of Joseph's story. I was able to relate to a particular part as he describes the struggle and confusion to find what is true and right when so many offer a different explanation:

 10 In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, I often said to myself: What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

 11 While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

 12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

 13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.

Joseph Smith History - The Pearl of Great Price

The Europe Area of the church has a plan to help encourage members to invite friends to meet with missionaries as well as increase church attendance. The branch president, President Pogorzelski, invited Elder Retallick and I over to meet with a colleague from his studies. We were able to teach and discuss our message with Marcin. It was a lot of answering questions and was all over the place. So often we, and I being a culprit, want to have every question answered, every doubt subsided, and every worry calmed. At the end of the lesson I shared that I doubted Marcin would receive a clear answer about what we shared, I (the supposed teacher) was confused so how could he not be too? This past week I had a lot of conversations that have turned into debates about doctrine - something I have been able to avoid for the most part on my mission because it is not my style. Each time I left feeling unsatisfied and unpeaceful. The real aim is to follow the example of Joseph Smith to find out for ourselves by praying and relying on Christ. For me I have had powerful answers to specific questions but a lot of the time I have a wave of peace that allows all the knit-picking to evaporate. I remember that Heavenly Father is perfect, that my understanding is not. His love and guiding warmth calm my troubles. I know that, like Joseph Smith, I cannot rely on what I know of myself or what others tell my because it is all too confusing. Instead I must turn to God to find for myself if He is there and what He wants for me.

I know that it can be hard to trust truth obtained by our spiritual avenues but in reality they are the most reliable. If we rely on our mental capacity to understand this intellectually shouldn't the same be true for the spiritual world? Our feelings, our hearts have meaningful pointers, warning signs, and encouragements to lead us to our best self. 

Yesterday in church was a great example of that. Warsaw I (the branch I am in now) has a special spirit. Especially as the sun shines through the heavenward windows and we sing praises in polish. I am blessed with a love, the love that enters my heart is a major guiding force - I trust it more than my logic because it is more reliable (as I look back on experience). Elder Retallick and I taught the sunday school lesson in the recent convert/ investigator class. It was about the life of Christ - by my feelings, the atmosphere my faith was strengthened. 

My heart is back in Warsaw I and we have a lot of good things planned for this week so I am excited to get to and report a lot of good in a week's time. 

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball

Struggling with self

My parents have been asking about the responsibilities with being an assistant. For the most part we spend our time doing standard missionary work. We have occasional meetings with President Edgren to discuss changes to make and future trainings/ conferences. We go on exchanges with zone leaders and talk to them each night to make sure everybody got home safe and have a general check up of how everybody is doing. We record numbers and fill out weekly and monthly reports. Our main objective is to be examples and inspire others. There are some pros and cons, for example we get to visit different cities and districts often, so we get to know all of the missionaries, but it also means that we don't have our own district. I am enjoying it and learning a lot about leadership - I am excited to share with others what I have learned but also confronting some inner rebellious issues I have with leadership. 

For a lot of my mission I feel like I am struggling with myself in my mind. I'm constantly trying to find balance whilst thinking and going over ideas in my head. I strive to be humble in accepting new ideas but want to stay grounded in truth. Elder Retallick had a talk from Elder Perry, one that he gave at BYU in 1990. There was a fragment that spoke to me:

"Everyone can find within himself or herself inward attitudes of mind and outward habits of behavior that are contrary to their own ideals. Struggle with oneself could also be called self-discipline. Through struggle we become stronger. By ceasing to struggle, we grow weaker. So long as we are dissatisfied and do not know what we really want, we shall probably do plenty of foolish things. Self-knowledge and struggle with oneself go hand in hand."

I received peace to know that I being uncertain about things, even about ourselves is not only okay but good. 

This week was full of highlights.

I met Łukasz on a whiteboard my first week back in Warsaw. We met with him and had a wonderful meeting. He is excited to read and meet more, when we mentioned that we would be talking about God's plan next time he said "I can't wait!" He is sincere and knows a lot about different religions, piecing together truth as he finds it to create a set of beliefs. 

I met with Dawid last summer when I was with Elder Blom. We have had little, shallow contact since then but we were able to meet this past week. His life is frankly really tough right now. We talked about feeling God's love and he was grateful to "have his eyes opened to truth that he once knew but had forgotten." I have been praying to be an answer to somebody's prayers and I felt that. At the end of the lesson Dawid said that he knew he had been difficult to keep in contact with but thanked me for not forgetting about him. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my mission. He too is excited to meet again this week.

Here is Warsaw there was a mini-MTC for the young adults of the church. Dawid and Patryk came down from Gdańsk. Cindy Call from Wrocław was also there. It was a fun reunion and powerful to see the future of the church in Poland gather together. I love the people I have had the privilege of building relationships. 

Yesterday in church President Pogorzelski asked the new missionaries to bear their testimonies, it was encouraging to see so many familiar smiling faces - it's nice to be remembered and be back in Warsaw. 

Life is simply going well right now, I feel stronger and more confident with things. Still struggling with myself but feeling less stressed about it.

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball

p.s. Here is a longer quotation from Elder Perry's talk at BYU 1990

Everyone can find within himself or herself inward attitudes of mind and outward habits of behavior that are contrary to their own ideals. Struggle with oneself could also be called self-discipline. Through struggle we become stronger. By ceasing to struggle, we grow weaker. So long as we are dissatisfied and do not know what we really want, we shall probably do plenty of foolish things. Self-knowledge and struggle with oneself go hand in hand.

Organize your struggles. Choose with what you will struggle. Persistence will do what cannot be achieved by force—persistence is the twin sister of excellence. Do not be afraid of struggle. Remember that what is a present struggle is a key to future happiness. Never stop to regret failures or to excuse them. Paul encouraged us to forget our failures and move on when he told the Philippians, “This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before” (Philippians 3: 13).

President Spencer W. Kimball has said that life gives to all a choice.

We can satisfy ourselves with mediocrity. We can be common, ordinary, dull, colorless, or we can so channel our lives to be clean, vibrant, progressive, colorful, and rich. [TSWK, p. 161]

My prayer for all of us here tonight is that with this life of choices we may realize who we are and the potential we have, that we may start today disciplining ourselves to reach for higher goals, to study, to learn, to grow, to determine the course we want to follow as we go through the opportunities of this great mortal experience. We must catch the vision of who we really are, for “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). The Lord will truly bless us mightily with his spirit if we only do our part and utilize the talents and opportunities he has given us, setting our direction on a course that will lead us back to his presence.

Seeking Direction

A lot of last transfer involved seeking direction and trying to figure out Heavenly Father's will. It took time and a ton of stumbles before I figured things out but I'm glad that I received so much information. 

Well it's been a while since I've had a good emailing session or at least it feels like it so I would like to catch you up on things. 

Last transfer was hard, I ran into some depression and it was the most challenging time of my mission. That being said, I learned many many lessons. Often missionaries say that their hardest times were also their favorite - so far that hasn't been true on my mission, but this past transfer fits that description. As dysfunctional and challenging as my life was - I love that time - sure I fantasize it looking back, but even in the moment there were some of my favorite memories. I put my whole heart into Gdańsk and I love the people there - it ripped me leaving that city. As hard as it was to leave, I feel satisfied and fulfilled with my four months. I am confident that I received what Heavenly Father had in store for me. 

Now I am back in Warsaw. Leaving Warsaw to Gdańsk was difficult but I didn't have the same peace about my work. Being back has been a wonderful, sitting in church yesterday felt so natural. I have received some of the most specific guidance concerning the people to whom I ought to reach out. Often in missionary work we are focused on finding and meeting new people but coming back to Warsaw I have the opportunity to reconnect with those I worked with before. Now I have learned many lessons and many of these people have been on my mind for a while, now with a fresh view I look forward to meeting and talking with them. 

Working with Elder Retallick has been a real pleasure, it's a change from training to working with somebody from my MTC group. It's a different experience with new dynamics, especially with our responsibilities. I think the biggest hurdle I'm trying to hop over is understanding the role of leaders - there is a lot I don't understand and my pride makes it difficult for me to be a follower. I have started to learn more about the truth behind principles and I look forward to comprehending more fully the purpose of leadership. 

Life does not seem real right now. Maybe because I feel so old in the mission now, maybe because I'm back in Warsaw but things have changed so much, maybe because of the change in my day to day missionary life. I don't feel bad but it's a change of scenery for sure  and I am back to taking things a day at a time. 

I'm not sure if there was anything super cultural or cool this past week. On Monday night we gathered with all of the missionaries preparing to depart and we shared our testimonies, beliefs, experiences. At the end Patrycja, a member currently staying at the mission home who just received her mission call to the London visitors center, shared some reflections and feelings. She sweetly thanked the missionaries for all we do on behalf of the small but mighty membership here in Poland. She let us know how we are viewed and how important our examples are. The Spirit was strong and I felt the confirmation of her words as I thought back to those I have worked with and labored to help. Last night we met a man at his front gate who said that he has changed enough and doesn't need to anymore. I will share my response: Our potential is far greater! What we are able to offer others is great, a big part of that is our example, we need to continue to change to reach what we are capable of. We can't let the colossal list of flaws we draw up halt us, but we can regularly strive to perfect ourselves with hope as we rely on others, especially our Savior.

I love you all,

Starszy Kiimball 

I am grateful for...

Well, Kristin is engaged! How exciting and crazy that this is where we are! I'm excited for her and how happy she is. 

I feel towards emailing the same way I did at the beginning of my mission: I have to much to say and it's too hard to articulate it all during my time on Mondays.I will try to share some experiences and thoughts:

We went to Hel today - there is a super thin peninsula that comes off at the north of Poland into the Baltic and at the very tip there is a small town: Hel. It was a major ghost town it being winter and all, but it was an adventure. We enjoyed the forest and the beach with blue skies and A LOT of wind. We found a little pirate cafe and had some żurek (polish sour rye soup with potatoe, kiełbasa, and egg: it sounds a little horrifying but is super good) and hot chocolate. 

This past Friday we had a YSA (for yuong adults) Valetine's social. John, Patryk, and Dawid were all there with friends and a few students from English class joined us. We had food, silly games, and a lot of fun closing with a spiritual thought. A major success. We also had a fun V-day branch activity on Saturday. 

We had a fast for Jósef, a member who has been fighting skin cancer and they had us over to celebrate Irena's (his wife's) birthday. We had a nice visit and good things are happening. We fasted on tłusty czwartek so it was a real sacrifice but for dinner we grabbed some pączki for dessert. I don't feel too jipped because we spent much of this transfer on a hunt for the best pączki so I've had my share recently.

I am feeling good about my transfer and life currently. Things are hard but things are making sense. I am getting a lot of understanding and rather than being stressed and worried about measuring up I am grateful for my experiences and what I have been able to be a part of. I keep being taught the value of gratitude and how I need it more fully in my life - it's a healing power.

Much love,

Starszy Kimball

The Uphill

1. Going uphill is hard and steep, it can be a pain. It's tiring and at times discouraging, but it's the right direction. I feel like I made my way to the bottom of the Matterhorn this past transfer and now I am making my way up. So challenging? Yes. However, I am getting up and moving upward.

2. The sisters asked for blessings this past week from Elder Jackson and I. Afterward I asked for one. A miracle happened. I can tell you with the utmost surety that God, our Heavenly Father, is a God of perfect love. He loves us, He is even grateful for us. He never judges, only hopes to inspire and lift. Remember God's true nature.

Sorry, things are extremely busy but good! Just a lot going on in all aspects of life.

Have a good one :)

Starszy Kimball

Small and simple things

Well I'm running out of time today (kind of on purpose) I left this email for last.

The week's events:

Mateusz lives 50km away from Gdańsk but ordered a Book of Mormon online and then found our number and asked to meet. He is young, sincere, and we had an incredible meeting. He understands his personal responsibility to receive his own conviction of what we teach and seems eager to learn. It just went smoothely, we were able to share a lot, answer a bunch of questions and keep it all to a brief 45 minutes - the dream. My favorite part of the lesson is when he made the connection that baptism is just the first step and our real goal is to be sealed with our families in the temple. Pray for him please, he is golden.

We had a cool white board - the first one since New Year's. I had two good discussions, the second with Adrian, this young guy. Just being out and talking to people can be such a thrill - having succesful, natural moments to connect with someone and share what's most precious. It was fun. 

Things with the branch are good.

Yesterday we met with Patryk - the 21-year-old branch mission leader - as per usual before Sunday school and it was particularly good. We went 10 minutes over just in good conversation. The missionaries and the branch president are on the same page, good communication - things are good. 

I had a good discussion with Józef - the older man in the branch. He's been having operation after operation the past couple of months. We went over to visit him. There was a moment, just the two of us, where (as he sat with pus and blood draining into a little container) he shared his gratitude for me. He said that he knows how much good I am doing here and was encouraging. He then said that he also knows that there is progress to be made. It was what I needed to hear. I'm grateful for my relationship with Józef.

I'm still depressed to be honest. I'm now functional and I'm not at my low point. Down there I felt nothing, now I am back up to feeling stressed and having every emotion and thought cross my mind all at once. It's overwhelming and confusing. I still am figuring things out, still unsure of myself in certain ways but I'm not void of hope. I know that small and simple things lead to great things - equally they lead to greatly destructive things, I am pretty sure I reach where I got to not by one dramatic event but rather a long sequence of many. I'm currently trying to reverse with small and simple to steps to glorious, light greatness. 

Love,

Starszy Kimball