What is to be done?

This past week I have thought a lot about what I am presenting to people on the street. With travel and busy schedules we weren't able to meet with many people this week so spent a good chunk of time out on the streets finding. Elder Retallick and I were able to have some meaningful conversations. There was one night that we had two conversations each time with a younger guy where we were able to be natural, funny, bold, and speak from the heart. It was fulfilling.

Joseph Smith's story and the restoration have never been at the root of my beliefs. Of course I assert the happenings to be true but I never focused on the story itself. My conviction of the validity of Joseph Smith's claims always came from the fruits of the restoration, for example the Book of Mormon or temple blessings that allow families to be sealed, connected forever. These truths resonated in my heart and are proof of the restoration but this past week I found a new conviction of Joseph's story. I was able to relate to a particular part as he describes the struggle and confusion to find what is true and right when so many offer a different explanation:

 10 In the midst of this war of words and tumult of opinions, I often said to myself: What is to be done? Who of all these parties are right; or, are they all wrong together? If any one of them be right, which is it, and how shall I know it?

 11 While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these parties of religionists, I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

 12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

 13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to “ask of God,” concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.

Joseph Smith History - The Pearl of Great Price

The Europe Area of the church has a plan to help encourage members to invite friends to meet with missionaries as well as increase church attendance. The branch president, President Pogorzelski, invited Elder Retallick and I over to meet with a colleague from his studies. We were able to teach and discuss our message with Marcin. It was a lot of answering questions and was all over the place. So often we, and I being a culprit, want to have every question answered, every doubt subsided, and every worry calmed. At the end of the lesson I shared that I doubted Marcin would receive a clear answer about what we shared, I (the supposed teacher) was confused so how could he not be too? This past week I had a lot of conversations that have turned into debates about doctrine - something I have been able to avoid for the most part on my mission because it is not my style. Each time I left feeling unsatisfied and unpeaceful. The real aim is to follow the example of Joseph Smith to find out for ourselves by praying and relying on Christ. For me I have had powerful answers to specific questions but a lot of the time I have a wave of peace that allows all the knit-picking to evaporate. I remember that Heavenly Father is perfect, that my understanding is not. His love and guiding warmth calm my troubles. I know that, like Joseph Smith, I cannot rely on what I know of myself or what others tell my because it is all too confusing. Instead I must turn to God to find for myself if He is there and what He wants for me.

I know that it can be hard to trust truth obtained by our spiritual avenues but in reality they are the most reliable. If we rely on our mental capacity to understand this intellectually shouldn't the same be true for the spiritual world? Our feelings, our hearts have meaningful pointers, warning signs, and encouragements to lead us to our best self. 

Yesterday in church was a great example of that. Warsaw I (the branch I am in now) has a special spirit. Especially as the sun shines through the heavenward windows and we sing praises in polish. I am blessed with a love, the love that enters my heart is a major guiding force - I trust it more than my logic because it is more reliable (as I look back on experience). Elder Retallick and I taught the sunday school lesson in the recent convert/ investigator class. It was about the life of Christ - by my feelings, the atmosphere my faith was strengthened. 

My heart is back in Warsaw I and we have a lot of good things planned for this week so I am excited to get to and report a lot of good in a week's time. 

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball