Now - trying to relate this back to me - I feel like I was going through a period where I was doing different things to just become me again, I didn't want to be broken anymore. It took different tries and I have gone through transforming periods where I have been different. This week I have found some peace and hope. There are some mornings I have a sigh of relief where I feel like I am back to me - not back to my real or best self but I am back to my functioning "llama" self. I know that like Kusco after going though life shaping changes I will one day be able to return back to my "true" self but this time stronger and more loving than before. For now, I am back on my feet, I know how to move forward now having a clearer head and vision.
The hand of the Lord is in the work daily but it was especially easy to notice last Tuesday. During district meeting Sister Smith saw written in my planner "Park Oliwski" for our evening block. I had felt prompted to go there (which is interesting because I have been more lost than usual with where to go). Sister Smith said that they were planning to go there too. I was worried we would have to change our plans as not to overwhelm the park with too many missionaries. Both companionships ended up going and it was clear that it was not a coincidence. We all had miracles. It was one of those nights where everybody seemed to be open and wanting to talk. The sisters met a couple of families, and even though she wasn't playing it, Sister Grgich's guitar attracted some kids. We met a few young single adult guys and then met Walentyna. She is a young pregnant mother from Belarus. We shared that we were sharing a message and helping others find answers to questions and find sense in a world full of problems and confusion. She then said that she thought we must be sent from God to answer her prayer. We had a heart felt conversation, reading from the Book of Mormon and bearing testimony of simple truths.
The hand of the Lord is in the work daily but it was especially easy to notice last Tuesday. During district meeting Sister Smith saw written in my planner "Park Oliwski" for our evening block. I had felt prompted to go there (which is interesting because I have been more lost than usual with where to go). Sister Smith said that they were planning to go there too. I was worried we would have to change our plans as not to overwhelm the park with too many missionaries. Both companionships ended up going and it was clear that it was not a coincidence. We all had miracles. It was one of those nights where everybody seemed to be open and wanting to talk. The sisters met a couple of families, and even though she wasn't playing it, Sister Grgich's guitar attracted some kids. We met a few young single adult guys and then met Walentyna. She is a young pregnant mother from Belarus. We shared that we were sharing a message and helping others find answers to questions and find sense in a world full of problems and confusion. She then said that she thought we must be sent from God to answer her prayer. We had a heart felt conversation, reading from the Book of Mormon and bearing testimony of simple truths.
Another miracle of the week. A few days later we decided to return to that park and while we were there met Piotrek. A student who spoke with us mostly about his massage therapy course. We then talked about our purpose as missionaries and what we are offering. He said that he may come to church but it wasn't one of the most profound meetings of my mission. Fast-forwarding to Sunday I see somebody walk through the door that I recognize but I can't figure out where from. It then hits me that it was Piotrek from the park, our little conversation had impacted him. He went home and researched us reading from mormon.org and liked what he read. In church one talk cited the Book of Mormon multiple times and the other speaker shared his conversion story which was based upon the Book of Mormon. He was interested to hear all about it. We are set up on Tuesday now!
It is nice when people react well to our message.
We were invited back over to Józef and Irena's this past Saturday. I just love them so much. We had a little grill with the Taggarts this time and for dessert Irena had made a huge, beautiful cake with fresh rasberries - so good!
I have tried to become comfortable feeling weak. It is hard when I encounter insecurities, not feeling like enough, and just being scared. Thankfully, I have found something that is true, something to hold onto: love from family and friends. I have felt it, I have experienced it. I have needed it and recently have been blessed with much of it. Thank you.
In her email this week my mother wrote about some purposes of suffering. She noted how Christ suffered to be able to succor us. I know that although I have encountered a lot of confusion I have gained some and will gain much more understanding thanks to this painful suffering. I am making it to be a point to be more positive, peaceful, and grateful. I am already starting to be more gratful for this trial period.
troskliwie,
Starszy Kimball
Your "comfortable feeling weak" is nicely put, Elder S. Kimball. Your gr-gr-gr-grandpa Heber C. Kimball said something similar in 1854: "When I went to England first, I had not much to say. We opened the door to that nation in great simplicity. Had I preached almighty discourses with more words than good sound doctrine, instead of opening the doors, I should have added another lock. The Lord appointed me to that work because I was willing to be the simplest. . . . If you will visit a stone quarry, you will find they use the simplest instruments to crack and remove the largest rocks; so the Lord uses the simplest of His servants to accomplish some of His greatest purposes." [Journal of Discourses, v.3, pp.113-114]
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