I've never really been surprised when people ignore us, I would have ignored me too before my mission. When people take offense at what we do though it can make me question what we are doing and how we are doing it. The truth is that "normally" we would be annoying and invasive, which is how many view missionaries. However, for those who are searching and have had their heart opened the experience is completly different. The Spirit changes everything. Recently, I have been able to notice the difference in my life when I accept the Spirit into my life and when I close myself off. When the Holy Ghost is present there is that "magical" change - any worries and strife, all of the questions from pondering and philosophizing are calmed. Our ways and God's ways really are different. We, as people, can come up with a lot of greatness but it will never match our Heavenly Father's power. Man's reasoning and understanding is base and can be so destructive if we let it blind us rather than let it bring us closer to God.
The Spirit is what changes the situations we are in, it is what changes us. I am grateful for the personal power of the Spirit and what He does for me, communicating God's will and Christ's peace to my soul. We really become different people, "new creatures", when we have the Spirit with us.
Confusion and worry is not of God so if you want to expel it from your life, pray.
This past week was a lot better, I'm a little dead at the moment hence the lack of information or much depth in this message. To reiterate what I learned this past week - we need the Spirit to have ture, lasting peace - invite the Spirit by 1. learning of what Christ's role means 2. serving others 3. simple praying.
Starszy Kimball
Last week's post: Letting darkness in
The Atonement.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints our prime focus is Christ's Atonement. For us this is when Christ suffered in Gethsemane, suffered and died on the cross, and then rose again resuerrected on the third day. From experience I truly am convinced that Jesus Christ not only suffered for our sins and guilts but also for our pains, misunderstandings, frustrations - all of it. I believe in this so strongly because the help I have been given can only be given from one who personally knows and understands me in an intimate way nobody else understands.
I wrote last week about the trials I've been having. At the beginning of this week I fell into, potentially the lowest, depression of my mission. I usually describe the influence of the adversary as: confusing, heavy, dark. This was all true, at times my mind felt explosive with no peace and particularly darkness seemed to be cast over me. There are real trials I faced and real issues that I need to overcome - that being said I learned an incredible lesson during district meeting this past week.
We were all writing down what the Atonement means to us and as I thought about my current predicament I knew Christ's love however wasn't entering my heart, I learned that in order for the healing power of the Atonement to take effect we must accept it. Pride prevents us from relying on Christ and it is so destructive. Missions break us down, all missionaries here talk about the humbling process.
Jesus Christ does not condemn. Repentance isn't being punished for sins - this past week I learned about this principle in a new way. It's funny how when I felt down without self respect realizing my weaknesses was just what I needed. There was a clear moment when my conscience accepted that there were things I was doing that needed to be corrected and that is when I started to realize the freeing power of repenting - all enabled thanks to the Atonement. Sin weighs us down and we can be ignorant to it, when it seems that other forces are pushing us over and repentance lifts and frees.
Truth is tricky to correctly and fully express but it comes through experience as our understanding expands. I am surprised how when I more deeply come to know truth the same words and explanations are used, even the same answers apply despite the personal and different situation of feelings and events.
God really does love us because there are light filled miracles even in the midst of darkness. He provides a way to bring the light back into our lives. At times, when people ask certain questions ex. "Do you believe only Mormons will be saved?" I think about the narrow nature of the path back to our Heavenly Parents. Times when I struggle let me see Heavenly Father's infinite mercy, and thanks to Christ's grace I no longer worry about the justice system of the universe. We are in perfect hands.
I feel blessed that throughout this dark week I've been motivated to work, not out of guilt or lingering expectations but a sincere desire to serve others. Now though I am more effective - I have a vision again with a purpose feeling a stewardship for the work and connecting with people.
We aren't working with any investigators but Patryk, Dawid and Irek are incredible.
I wish I could express what I experienced better, deeper, more completely but luckily, I know understanding comes when we are personally close with our Savior.
Just so you all know I am doing well :) I am not magically out of the dark pit but I am trudging upwards. Happiness is a choice and I want to be more humble and accept help more fully in my life, especially from my Redeemer.
Starszy Kimball
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