Calm, peace and upliftment

This week I have run out of time - this email session has been a little more excited with the lead up to Kristin and Zach's wedding! Życzę wam wszystkiego najlepszego! 

I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to Wrocław for the first time since I was trained there. I connected with Danuta and Bolesław and enjoyed being back. It is incredible to think about how long ago my time there was, how much has changed yet how similar the roads and buildings are. 

In Warsaw there is a "Noc Muzeów" (Night of museums) once a year. It occured this past Saturday and our members organized an open house event at our chapel to invite those exploring the city that night. It was an incredible experience. The members put a lot of preparation into it, I was blown away by how many entered through the doors. I had multiple conversations with members and those interested. Seeing the members share not only what we believe but the personal application of this light and truth in their life was incredible. I would like to add my conviction of the light that comes from Christ. 

This past week I struggled and dipped down to some of the same problems I had during my "dark period" in Gdańsk. Confusion, loss of hope, isolation. I am forever thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost. It brings light into our lives. There are so many sources of information and noise, I get overwhelmed and frustrated. When the light, calm, and peace of truth enters my heart it is unmistakable. It is loving, patient, and makes me better. 

We are working with Karol, Adam, and Sergei - younger guys in their 20s. There is a lot of good going on here! 

Starszy Kimball

An adventure down south

This week so full of fun experiences:

Katowice zone training

I traveled down to Katowice (first time in over a year, it was good to be back) for zone training. Elder Burdick is one of the zone leaders there right now so I got to see him among the missionaries from Kato, Kraków, and Wrocław. They had us do a few interactive exercises to up unity, later Sister Holden had all of us go out and walk along the Polish streets for 10 minutes. We had three instructions 1. stop 2. look 3. listen, so we went out and didn't talk but instead quietly observed the world around us. It was such a good experience. Something that I have struggled with as a missionary is stopping to smell the flowers. It enjoyed it and want to stop, reflect, be grateful for and love my mission everyday. 

Kraków exchange
After the zone training I rode to Kraków and spent a couple of days with Elders Jackson and Ahlander. It was a lot of fun, I love Elder Jackson. President Edgren has been encouraging us to get away from the chapel and explore new areas to find families. Elders Jacksn and Ahlander found a spot right on the border of Kraków that we visited in the evening. We spent dinner hour up there too and at the little local grocery store we bought some sandwich makings for dinner. As we were looking around for a spot to eat we passed a church. The priest was outside and beckoned us over. He asked us who we were, he had heard of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints before but didn't know much. He asked us what we were doing in this small town. A little hesitantly - unsure how we would be received in a small Catholic town in southern Poland - I said that we share a message helping others to deepen faith in Christ. He immediately congratulated us and thanked us for our service. We ended up having a wonderful conversation in which he repeated that we should always feel safe with him. There were some benches outside the church with a beautiful view of the sunny Polish country, he invited us to sit assuring us that we are "safe here". He gave us some little books about the history of the church building. It was one of the most wonderful experiences I have had in a while. I love meeting others who are true disciples of Christ, who follow the Savior's example of love and service. Others in the town were extremely kind, it wasn't a huge place and we stand out with our bright white shirts.

I fell in love with Kraków. It is absolutely beautiful there, the sun was out, and I had an incredible exchange with some missionary friends.

The train home

So many of my favorite experiences are when I traveling on trains. There was a mother and son in my compartment on the train from Kraków to Warsaw. The son was 25-30 and had grown up in Miami. The mom was Polish, married to a man with the opposite upbringing I had - French born growing up in the United States. It was a pleasure to talk with them, about so much.

Mother's Day

I had my last skype session home yesterday. I was glad to be able to have seen everyone. It is sad not being there but the next time I talk with them it will be in person. I am excited to have this beautiful Polish summer to enjoy and then see my family.

Life is full of hiccups, there is still so much to figure out. I want to make sure that I accomplish all that Heavenly Father has for me in the next few months. I'm excited!

Starszy Kimball

Nadzieja umiera ostatnia (last weeks post)

Yesterday in Elders' quorum (the priesthood meeting, the third hour of church when men and women split up) some of the members quotes a Polish saying,  "nadzieja umiera ostatnia" - "hope dies last". Hope has been a reoccurring theme of my mission and I have a lot of hope for this country. We were able to enjoy some Polish holidays, including the anniversary of the Polish constitution - the second in the world after the United States (everybody takes a lot of pride in it here). I was reminded of my love for Poland and had it grow. During MLC (a missionary leadership council) we had the chance to share our personal testimony and conviction of our beliefs. I focused on love. I shared that the advice from my father before leaving on my mission was very simple and very powerful: love the people. As missionaries when we receive our call we are promised that the greatest joy awaits us as we serve the Lord. I have come to know that the love I have experienced, received as well as possessed for others, has brought me the greatest joy I have ever known. 

I am quick to create enmity between myself and others. President Benson (a former prophet) in his talk, "Beware of Pride", explained that enmity is a manifestation of pride. I am so quick to create a "me" and "them" mentality. I learned another lesson yesterday in church. The Moszczyńscy have three adorable children, Ewka and Helenka (twins) and their baby brother, Kristian. They seemed to be a little more tired and restless than usual. They were making more fuss than we have experienced for awhile. It can be so easy to notice their disruption and be annoyed. It isn't hard to wonder why the parents are not handling the situation better or just focus on the burden we face as we try to have a spiritual experience despite the noise. Towards the end when the kids were getting really rowdy Sister Czesak discretely walked over and picked one of the twins up. Later as Kristian started to cry she picked him up and took him out, cradling him in her arms until he calmed down. I have been reminded of the power of small and simple things. The little things we do matter, whether we make a small sarcastic comment or if we make a simple compliment. Sister Czesak could have justified sitting her place being annoyed for not being able to focus especially if she was looking for some guidance or help but what a different attitude to get up and help. I am grateful for the small daily acts of love that I see. It inspires me to be better. 

Love is powerful. As Elder Oaks, an apostle, said, "kindness is powerful." 

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball

Transfers have come around again. I will be staying in Warsaw as an assistant but here's the twist: two elders are coming up to join me. Elder Weggersen and Elder Hubbard, two of my best friends in the mission, and it is going to be an incredible transfer! Tripanionships are often tricky so President Edgren thought about it and then called me about what I thought about bringing the trio here. Last transfer two elders did some traveling training and it went really well so here is how it is going to work: once the transfer settles down (we have a farewell for old missionaries, welcoming new missionaries, and having an MLC - training - for zone leaders and sisters training leaders) we are going to make a schedule for this transfer. The idea is that one of us will be on the road working with other missionaries in cities around the country while the other two are in our area. We will rotate constantly so for example I will be with Elder Weggersen while Elder Hubbard is out traveling, vice versa, and then I will have the chance to get out. I am excited. I am a little overwhelmed and the idea of being away from my area and the people in Warsaw for too long sounds extremely unappealing right now but I now it will all come together. This past transfer Elder Retallick and I talked about how often our trials would seem so manageable if one or two little factors were changed but then what would the point be if we are not being stretched. I feel a little like that with the upcoming transfer. I have loved this past transfer with Elder Retallick, have overcome worries about being an assistant, and am ready to go but now with the new dynamics there will continually be more to learn. That being said, there will be new experiences I wouldn't have had otherwise. 

I was sent a quote today that compliments this idea: "trudności często przygotują zwykłych ludzi do niezwykłych celów." -C.S. Lewis (the original quote: "hardship often prepares an ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny") I have been thinking about trials and their nature while I have been on my mission. My whole life I have had the idea that I am filling up a bucket with mental, spiritual, and emotional understanding and ability so that when trials come I will know how to battle them. This principle works for a good majority of the time. During the darkest time of my mission, however, my latter half of Gdańsk I felt like the reason I was struggling and so weak was because everything from my bucket had been poured out and I didn't have any of the strength or reassurances. Being drained of, what seemed to be everything, made me feel hopeless and confused. With time I was built back up, replenished, and learned vital lessons but it was painful. A common idea that I have been having recently (so maybe I have already written about it) is Heavenly Father's view of us and His purposes for our life. So often I strive for a life without struggles and I try to get over the hurdle to rest but then there is always another. Heavenly Father is so much more interested in what we do when we struggle and when we fall than keeping us from skinning our knees. Messing up on deeply important things to looking silly in front of others leaves us feeling not too great - but then in those moments what do we do. That is what Heavenly Father cares about, that is what we are in this life to learn. The trials we each have help us to become who we need to be. 

I have always loved that we are each so different. Our varying interests, strengths, and cultures always got me excited. Coming on a mission I sometimes lose that. I get annoyed because other missionaries don't have the same vision as I do or I am impatient when others are not on my wavelength and I cannot truly relate to them. Recently, the beauty of our differences has been clearer and I am grateful for it. Since Elder Retallick is leaving to Kielce we met with a family that he worked with in Warsaw II, the Kasanoviches. They are very loving and have one of the best atmospheres in their home. During the spiritual discussion Sister Kasanovich articulated a thought about a principle that I have been struggling with. She mentioned how we need to follow the promptings of the Spirit and do what is right, even if it is not the 'public right'. Too often competition and differing aims inhibit our ability to be unified, however, the hardest for me is when I feel like there is a lack of agreement with ethical decisions or topics. I was a bit thrown off where, even in the church, we as members (and we as missionaries) do not always agree on exactly what is right or wrong. A lot of it has to do with our situations and experience but it is all okay. I have seen on my mission how having love for others bridges the gaps that we have. I feel like I often suppress spiritual promptings because I feel like the "public right" even among missionaries is telling me that what I am feeling is wrong. It can be faith shaking and has caused me to do some soul searching. Since we do not understand so much we are not in situations to judge. I have learned that we have to follow promptings and sometimes others won't understand but that is okay. So often I am quick to judge others and judge situations so I have been on both sides. These are the types of struggles and thoughts that shook me and made me question so much but are now strengthening me. Like I said, it is all in the struggle. Heavenly Father could lead me to understand everything immediately and never cause me to question my faith or have any doubts but instead he is not nervous about our salvation.

So what happened this week...

We have been trying to meet with this part member/ partly active family for a while now. I have been really guided and blessed with love for them, which has made me nervous about how things turn out. This week we were able to offer some service in helping the father and two sons in their yard. We spent about 5 hours with them, including a couple water breaks and a big Polish meal that was super good. They showed us some videos and pictures from their family holidays to Switzerland. It was such a break through. They were all so personable and enjoyable to work with. A miracle indeed.

We met with Enrique. Recently, I have been lost in knowing how we can help him. This last week as we met and talked I remembered what a fantastic guy he is and my love for him grew so much. I wasn't worried about the future but I was grateful for him and it changed everything. The way we see people and view life powerfully determines how we feel. 

On Saturday we had an open house at the chapel. We had members, missionaries, and those interested to learn more. It was such a success. This week just went really well. It was busy and full of meeting with people, miracles and good experiences. The new transfer has started, meaning change is here, and I am already struggling and often close off and am not myself. I am trying to fight it and overcome it. I am excited and feel so lucky for what is ahead just overwhelmed as always. 

Starszy Kimball

p.s. we had culture night this past week, it was super fun. We got pierogi, walked around old town, and learned about Polish legends as well as famous Poles' biographies

Salt Licking

This week started with some excitement. On Monday I took a train to start an exchange with Elder Coutu in Bydgoszcz. We are riding along when all of a sudden we stop. It turns out there was a train crash nearby. As time slowly passes we stay standing still in Kutno station. While I am sitting there I receive a call from Elder Shwanke, Elder Coutu's companion on his way to Warsaw to be with Elder Retallick. He told me that his train was going to be late because of some train crash. Soon things begin to escalate. As an assistant I am the one to call when missionaries have complications, naturally I soon get wrapped up in phone calls with missionaries all around the country. Since Monday is the usual day for exchanges we have elders and sisters on trains all over. Luckily, only about half of us were affected and our mission is so small as it is easy to keep track of it all but it added drama to the day. As missionaries we have strict schedules, we are in by 21:00 every night (unless we have a meeting, then it is 21:30) so the delay in trains causes problems. I didn't get into Bydgoszcz until 22:50, then Elder Coutu and I (along with the other missionaries there who were keeping him company) all grabbed a taxi home. I thought getting in at 23:00 was crazy until I found out the Elder Shwanke's train was the one that crashed, the passengers were alright but their train hit a car so needed to board a different train. Elder Retallick had to pick him up at the Warsaw central train station at 1:00 in the morning. For most people it was an inconvenience, for missionaries it was unheard of. 

Luckily, it was all worth it. I had a terrific exchange with Elder Coutu - he is a terrific missionary. I also got to see Elder Sidwell, one of my closest mission friends, and I met Elder Larsen, another younger missionary with whom I was also impressed. I love seeing the missionaries in Poland, my love and sense of brotherhood always is strengthened. 

Most of this week was status quo, I am really really tired so my brain is a little dead. It was a good week though, good meetings and great conversations with people on the streets. 

Yesterday in church Elżbieta and Czesława had a surprise for the missionaries. They are a mother a daughter duo in the branch. Elżbieta is in her 70s (I think) and Czesława is in her early 90s. We love them dearly. Elżbieta was particularly excited to see us as she gathered all of the elders and sisters after church as she retrieved her bag. She had Elder Retallick and I lift it to see how heavy it is and then she pulls out a mystery object wrapped in brown paper. She starts telling us about when she went to Kraków while she was young because visiting the caves helped with her asthma. Czesława, the mom, kept telling her to just show us but Elżieta was enjoying the build too much. Finally, she reveals a chunk of crystallized rock and announces that she got it from the famous salt mines. Outside of Kraków there are huge chambers underground of salt (my kind of place I know, I really want to go) and it is a UNESCO site now. Artists came in and carved chapels and sculptures all out of salt, from what I hear it is really impressive. So Elżbieta is holding the salt and then licks it and assures us it is salty, made by nature not man. She then hands it Elder Garrett and encourages us, "spróbujcie językiem!" which translate is "try it with your tongue!" We all look unsure about licking this random rock but I figure it is a fun experience. Elder Garrett looks at me as I am thinking about it and says, "I will if you will" so we continue to all try it (searching for an unlicked spot). She was right, it was salty. I love our members! 

We are going into the last week of the transfer. It is interesting working with President Edgren to prepare transfers and MLC (leadership training) - definitely a different perspective. Scary to think that we only have two more transfers now. I am really excited for what's to come, I have a lot of ideas and am itching to get things started. This past transfer with Elder Retallick was better than I could have anticipated. I think I am coming to terms with change slowly but surely. 

w pokorze,

Starszy Kimball

"Marsz, Marsz!" - Mazurek Dąbrowskiego

I've always fancied myself as a lover of silver skies and rainy days, imagining myself pensively looking out the rain soaked window. Well, especially, as a missionary I have come to appreciate how much I love the sun!

Last week Elder Retallick and I met Alex and Carl (his Dad) at the transmission of general conference. They are from Cambridge, England – Alex’s dad is a member but mom is not. Alex recently turned 8 and they came over to Poland so that his mom’s family could be a part of his baptism. Elder Retallick and I had the privilege of meeting with Alex and Carl (and Elder Burdick on exchange). It was good for me to remember back to my own baptism when my dad and extended family gathered. The experience also showed me how to prepare a son to understand the importance of baptism. It all came together beautifully. There was a branch bbq yesterday so the members were able to meet Alex and then after we had the baptismal service. Alex’s family came and were touched by how many members who barely knew him gathered to celebrate his special day. I gave the opening prayer, Eder Retallick gave a talk, and along with some other elders we performed a musical presentation (I even had a line solo – yikes, I know). It was such a success, our members are wonderful and loving and introduced Alex’s Polish, Catholic family to the church with humility and care.

My heart has come back to Warsaw especially with the members. We had the bbq and baptism on Saturday and then church yesterday was miraculous. I gave a talk on the Atonement. I shared some of my favorite scriptures and had a general theme of hope. This past week while studying in the Book of Mormon I had an epiphany – one of those principles that I saw in a new light. We spend so much of our time stressing and worrying about not living up to who we should be. We are discouraged by our lack of perfection. What hit it me is how NOT worried Christ is about our current state of imperfection, in fact it is one of the main difference between God’s plan and Satan’s. With Satan’s vision we would not have to endure the humiliation of error but there would be no choice and no growth. With God’s plan we fall down and have to go through our entire journey on Earth as imperfect creatures. I saw a glimpse into what it means when prophets say that God sees us not as we are but what we are capable of becoming. I worry about not measuring up and I worry about the lack of understanding and perfection of loved ones as well. When I picture Christ I don’t seem Him worried and stressing over our salvation. He is saddened when we are in pain and understands perfectly what it feels like but as a result of His infinite grace and mercy He is calmed by the assurance that there is a plan devised to gather everyone back to our Father. I lose sleep because of mistakes of the past whereas our Heavenly Father is looking forward to the hurdles in the future that He knows will help us grow. God cannot justify sin, that would defeat the whole point but His plan gives us hope. It really is all about the journey and learning along the way and not about being everything we want to be right now. I repeated the words of the polish national anthem, “marsz, marsz!” (march, march!). We must march forward with hope that comes in understanding the purpose of our life here.

I gave my share of talks and taught many lessons in Gdańsk but this was the first time for me to give a talk in sacrament meeting in Warsaw I branch. I was touched as I stood at the pulpit and saw the attentive faces of the branch members I love so much. Everyone came up afterward with hugs and compliments. It was one of the sweetest times of my mission hands down. Sister Kuchar, an impressive missionary, spoke before me and there was a special spirit in the building. I am so blessed.

As I hinted, I was also blessed to have an exchange with Elder Burdick. It was the first time I was able to serve with him as a companion since he came into the country last summer. He has grown so much and is a great example. We were able to talk about a lot, good talks are needed therapy – on a mission and always. I am thankful to be with Elder Retallick where we can openly and deeply discuss matters of substance and importance.

Elder Retallick and I had the chance to finish watching general conference. Often, especially as a missionary surrounded by so many other members of the church, I have a slightly hipster or rebellious attitude about things – liking to be my own person and what not. All church culture aside I am as Mormon as they come (to be honest probably church culture included too). The living church leaders are my real heroes. They calm my worries, confirm truths I know, and bring light into my life. I know that there is modern revelation and it is needed!

I encourage you all to go forward in hope and faith. The light of spring symbolizes the light that comes when have faith in Christ.

Kocham was i życzę wam jasnego i szczęśliwego tygodnia!

Starszy Kimball

How we rate ourselves

In the elementary school of Antwerp International School students receive a report card split into different categories. The first one is the section my parents always labeled as most important. Before reviewing love for ancient history or my struggles in IT we sat down and looked at the first page, which focused wholly on behavior. The criteria included aspects of our character: how we respected the teacher, how we interacted with other students etc. At the time I nodded my head in agreement as my parents encouraged me to remember what mattered most but I was eager to move on to the more exciting pages.

From a young age I was always driven with a desire for excellence in school work – throughout the years my performance and motivation fluctuated here and there but my idea of what was most important at school was never about learning how to work well in group projects but making sure I got a good grade in that subject. I am incredibly grateful to have been raised with morals of patience, consideration, and respect for others – at school but mainly in my home – and I feel like I understand the lesson taught a little better. Throughout my mission experience I have had the chance to review my progress. Although, the reflection process of my mission differs from my elementary report there are still different categories I consider. Of course I focus on studying Polish and I learn new principles and doctrines from scriptures and manuals daily but I have come to appreciate the council from my parents (both before my mission and during) to focus on what matters most.

On this planet we are all unique. Judging by our varying talents, interests, and opportunities to express and develop them I am convinced that the primary purpose of this life cannot be to what I so often put at the top of my priority or to do list. Getting good grades, speaking fluent polish, having an impressive job/ lifestyle/ travel history – whatever it may be. What matters most is that first page: who we are. Last night during evening call-ins Elder Weggersen asked me what I considered to be the difference between personality and character. I gave it a moment of thought and then shared that for me our personality includes our like and dislikes, the way we behave in social settings, the way we may come off to others. Our character is our inner, true self and as he put it, “the person we are when nobody is watching.” Ability in talents and skills is important but our character matters so much more.

I want to spend my mission focused on what is most important: serving others, loving them despite their weaknesses, understanding them despite their rudeness, and being patient despite my own trials, and helping them be closer to Christ. Reaching this way of love and life is much more impressive to me than conjugating every polish verb correctly or being the smoothest teacher. When the Spirit fills my heart with love for others I know that I am on the right track and they need my help. There is balance in all things but as we focus more on others and less on ourselves we will be happier. I sometimes lack that trust that sacrificing something of my own to help somebody else (for something better) will result in an increase in my own peace and happiness.

This past weekend we were able to celebrate Easter. As missionaries from Warsaw I we gathered in old town and had a huge finding activity! We had eggs to die, missionaries on the guitar singing, and an Instagram promotion to invite others to post what they know to be possible thanks to Christ. It went well! We also got to enjoy General Conference. I am thankful for modern revelation and for personal inspiration that comes as we invite truth into our lives.

We are currently working with some families with harsh histories and messy problems. For so many of the challenges it seems like it would be manageable if only one or two factors changed. Unconsciously, I have been wishing for obstacles to disappear – in my path and especially in the paths of others. I have forgotten the whole idea of asking for strength to overcome mountains rather than praying for them to be removed. So many trials and hardships seem impossible or hopeless, especially when we are in the middle of them. When we take a step back and plead for guidance it comes. I feel more empowered than ever in helping others get out of their tricky situations.

Part of the reason I have this confidence is thanks to some miracles that I was blessed with this past week. Recently, in Warsaw, I have been running into everyone! People from Switzerland, Belgium (talked to a couple from Antwerp last night), and a ton of people I met the first time I was in Warsaw. Last Wednesday I ran into Arek, yet another former investigator with whom we met last fall. As I knelt for my nightly prayer that day I thanked Heavenly Father for being able to see Arek but I shared my confusion, not understanding why I was running into so many of these people again, especially when most of them were not interested in meeting or changing. As I prayed I had warmth fill my heart and I received my answer. Heavenly Father has been showing me how many lives I have touched. As I left Warsaw after 8 months I felt underwhelmed, I didn’t see how I had touched anyone’s life. During that prayer I was comforted and reassured that Heavenly Father was pleased with what I have done and he was leading me to run into so many to remind me of how many individuals I have met and served while on His errand. Another miracle came last night when we met Agata on the street. Soon after we began to talk she was in tears. She wants to be close to God and reaches out to Him in times of trouble but is discouraged because she is surrounded my friends, family, and acquaintances from so many different faiths. She asked in desperation, “What do I do?” I couldn’t help but think of Joseph Smith’s story, how he noticed the confusion in the world of religion and wondered what there was to do. I have felt that myself and know that what Joseph learned in James 1:5 is true, we must pray. Here is a short film that explains it really well for me:

http://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages-for-youth/origin-1

I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for being a missionary. I love putting my nametag on every day. I know that we can be answers to prayers and bearers of peace and love to those who lack it. As you pray for guidance to know who to serve be mindful of the love Christ places in your heart for those around you and let your heart be the guide. General conference on lds.org is the perfect place to seek council and guidance.

With love,

Starszy Kimball

Raz na wozie, raz pad wozem

As missionaries we are always tired but this past week was a tough one, I was falling asleep all over the place! Part of the reason was because it was so full and we were busy so it is a positive thing overall.

We had zone conference this week, we held one in Warsaw with 46 missionaries and then another in Kraków with 24 missionaries. For zone conference missionaries from the whole country gather to meet and have training. Elder Retallick and I presented an hour and a half segment about obedience, we had lunch, a musical presentation, then President Edgren led a training, and the whole meeting ends with a testimony meeting to give those who would like the chance to share their beliefs and experiences. It went so so well! Obedience is an interesting topic, a tricky one as well. I was determined to follow through with it after I pitched the idea because of it's nature. I have learned a lot about obedience during my mission and that learning often came through disobedience or at least not understanding the obedience at first. One of the greatest gifts we have is the ability to choose for ourselves. When others impose rules there is a natural tendency to rebel because we do not want to be forced into anything. My hope with the training was to revolutionize the idea of obedience. We started by establishing the commandment to become perfect, then went to Adam and Eve's story to learn a little more. From the beginning of mankind we see that mistakes and even disobedience/sinning is a part of God's plan. The pattern of repentance and learning from our past was initiated. God never condones sin but it is no surprise to Him when we do fall short, it is allowed to be a part of our lives here on Earth because if we never sinned we could never learn the difference between being obedient and disobedient. I was able to share a lot of personal insights I had with the idea of obedience: how it should be chosen willingly, how we shouldn't let the fear of failing keeping us from moving forward, we cannot label ourselves/define ourselves by our sins and weaknesses etc. Christ is patient and loving, He sees us according to our strengths and what we can become. Life isn't about never falling, but about getting back up. Similarly, obedience is not about never sinning but about repentance to be made clean. I have felt the redemptive power of the Savior in my life and I know this. His love is comforting and merciful. I think we all are aware of the imperfections we need to overcome and when we understand that Heavenly Father is not waiting to reprimand us, but to get us back on our feet then we can be honest with ourselves. We won't justify our short comings but we will have hope to overcome them in humility. There was more that we talked about but that was the main idea - I felt good about it and I hope it helped others feel more comfortable about obedience. So often we are artificial about our obedience or we just all together rebel, neither work. 

My favorite part of the conference was the testimony meeting. It is because there is so much love in the air when we open ourselves up. We get to see into people and learn from them; having our own conviction of the truth of God's love strengthened. We have the best missionaries here in Poland! 

On Wednesday after the first zone conference in Warsaw Elder Retallick and I caught a train to Kraków. It was one of the new express trains with airplane style seating. I was placed next to Ewa, she and her family are currently living in the tri-city area coast (Gdynia-Sopot-Gdańsk)! I have been lucky to meet a ton of people from Gdańsk recently. We had a great conversation about so much. Ewa is married with a 6 year old son and was on a business trip. She was young, kind, believing but not practicing. We were able to discuss quite a bit, I noticed that I used ideas that I had thought about while preparing for zone conference but ended up cutting out (interesting how Heavenly Father can prepare us). We are quick to doubt ourselves and our effectiveness but looking back it was one of the greatest teaching moments of my mission. Elder Retallick, later on told me, that the girl who sat next to him (after overhearing our conversation one row behind) said "kolega głosi ostro" which means "your companion is preaching boldly" (ostry can mean a ton of things but basically in this context it meant bold). I was glad to hear it because I so often will lose my bold fire in certain settings. I wasn't overbearing but spilled my heart out apologetically. At the end I gave her a copy of the Book of Mormon and she asked me to sign it with a little note. She promised me that she would pray to feel God's love and for understanding of why there is opposition in life (sickness, war etc). It was a miracle. 

Church yesterday was one of the my favorites... ever! Hearing the testimonies and strength of our members is the most hope filling light there is, one member shared in her testimony how much it meant that Elder Retallick and I visited her family (who are less-active). The lessons at church were just good, we were all combined so there was strength in numbers, we talked to the members about missionary work and how to overcome obstacles in having members reach out to friends and family. It was all just so so good! 

On the streets Elder Retallick and I met Adam one night and then last night on a whiteboard I talked with Kasia and Paulina. Some of the most prepared, open, wise, young people I have met in my time here. We will hopefully meet with them sometime this week.

We were able to visit with a less-active member. He and his family have some doubts. We talked about the Spirit and feeling God's love. He shared a miracle story from his family's personal history - having the car break down in the snow as they were driving out into the country for the holidays then having their prayer answered by a farming truck driver who just felt like he needed to go for a ride as he was being led to their location. He said that he had "dziwne uczucia" as he shared the stories and I had those same "weird feeling" - the warming feelings from the Spirit. I'm hoping that they will be able to recognize those feelings more in their lives guiding them to follow what Heavenly Father wants for them.

Due to being taken over by countless countries, having endured world wars and communist regime the Polish people are to be a bit rebellious. They are stereotyped to be stubborn and not interested in others telling them what to do. Usually, I try to avoid generalizations but I think from its history there is some truth to this. I am grateful for these characteristics, not because being stubborn or prideful are desired traits but because I struggle with them. Like with obedience I have learned a lot about overcoming barriers of rebellious instincts. I am know how it feels to have immediate aversion to something as soon as somebody else tells me to do it. This past week I realized that this weakness can be made a strength because I can share what I have learned with those I meet with. I can help people see that the annoying pressure from those around us to be baptized should not keep us from choosing to do what is right and claim the blessings of baptism. I can share how the commandment to go to church is not a mandate but a way God has prepared to give us feelings of love, peace, and direction. I love Polish people and unlike many I have all the hope in the world for this magnificent country. 

With all of the miracles I am now sharing I am reconsidering the validity of the title "raz na wozie, raz pod wozem" - it literally means "a time on of the cart, a time under the cart" what it means is "there are good times and there are bad times". This week was full of gems but there are struggles - there is still self-doubt, there is still jealousy when good things happen to others, there is still a lack of understanding of it all, and sometimes there is just a dark feeling. I am trying to work through all of these things but I am so grateful for the experiences and joys of a mission.

Remember to think of some questions, some areas to work on, some areas where you lack understanding as you prepare for general conference this week :) 

Also have a happy Easter weekend! Here is the church's new video for this holiday season:

http://www.mormon.org/easter

Wesołych świąt!

będąc przepełniony wiarą, nadzieją i miłością,

Starszy Kimball