In the elementary school of Antwerp International School students receive a report card split into different categories. The first one is the section my parents always labeled as most important. Before reviewing love for ancient history or my struggles in IT we sat down and looked at the first page, which focused wholly on behavior. The criteria included aspects of our character: how we respected the teacher, how we interacted with other students etc. At the time I nodded my head in agreement as my parents encouraged me to remember what mattered most but I was eager to move on to the more exciting pages.
From a young age I was always driven with a desire for excellence in school work – throughout the years my performance and motivation fluctuated here and there but my idea of what was most important at school was never about learning how to work well in group projects but making sure I got a good grade in that subject. I am incredibly grateful to have been raised with morals of patience, consideration, and respect for others – at school but mainly in my home – and I feel like I understand the lesson taught a little better. Throughout my mission experience I have had the chance to review my progress. Although, the reflection process of my mission differs from my elementary report there are still different categories I consider. Of course I focus on studying Polish and I learn new principles and doctrines from scriptures and manuals daily but I have come to appreciate the council from my parents (both before my mission and during) to focus on what matters most.
On this planet we are all unique. Judging by our varying talents, interests, and opportunities to express and develop them I am convinced that the primary purpose of this life cannot be to what I so often put at the top of my priority or to do list. Getting good grades, speaking fluent polish, having an impressive job/ lifestyle/ travel history – whatever it may be. What matters most is that first page: who we are. Last night during evening call-ins Elder Weggersen asked me what I considered to be the difference between personality and character. I gave it a moment of thought and then shared that for me our personality includes our like and dislikes, the way we behave in social settings, the way we may come off to others. Our character is our inner, true self and as he put it, “the person we are when nobody is watching.” Ability in talents and skills is important but our character matters so much more.
I want to spend my mission focused on what is most important: serving others, loving them despite their weaknesses, understanding them despite their rudeness, and being patient despite my own trials, and helping them be closer to Christ. Reaching this way of love and life is much more impressive to me than conjugating every polish verb correctly or being the smoothest teacher. When the Spirit fills my heart with love for others I know that I am on the right track and they need my help. There is balance in all things but as we focus more on others and less on ourselves we will be happier. I sometimes lack that trust that sacrificing something of my own to help somebody else (for something better) will result in an increase in my own peace and happiness.
This past weekend we were able to celebrate Easter. As missionaries from Warsaw I we gathered in old town and had a huge finding activity! We had eggs to die, missionaries on the guitar singing, and an Instagram promotion to invite others to post what they know to be possible thanks to Christ. It went well! We also got to enjoy General Conference. I am thankful for modern revelation and for personal inspiration that comes as we invite truth into our lives.
We are currently working with some families with harsh histories and messy problems. For so many of the challenges it seems like it would be manageable if only one or two factors changed. Unconsciously, I have been wishing for obstacles to disappear – in my path and especially in the paths of others. I have forgotten the whole idea of asking for strength to overcome mountains rather than praying for them to be removed. So many trials and hardships seem impossible or hopeless, especially when we are in the middle of them. When we take a step back and plead for guidance it comes. I feel more empowered than ever in helping others get out of their tricky situations.
Part of the reason I have this confidence is thanks to some miracles that I was blessed with this past week. Recently, in Warsaw, I have been running into everyone! People from Switzerland, Belgium (talked to a couple from Antwerp last night), and a ton of people I met the first time I was in Warsaw. Last Wednesday I ran into Arek, yet another former investigator with whom we met last fall. As I knelt for my nightly prayer that day I thanked Heavenly Father for being able to see Arek but I shared my confusion, not understanding why I was running into so many of these people again, especially when most of them were not interested in meeting or changing. As I prayed I had warmth fill my heart and I received my answer. Heavenly Father has been showing me how many lives I have touched. As I left Warsaw after 8 months I felt underwhelmed, I didn’t see how I had touched anyone’s life. During that prayer I was comforted and reassured that Heavenly Father was pleased with what I have done and he was leading me to run into so many to remind me of how many individuals I have met and served while on His errand. Another miracle came last night when we met Agata on the street. Soon after we began to talk she was in tears. She wants to be close to God and reaches out to Him in times of trouble but is discouraged because she is surrounded my friends, family, and acquaintances from so many different faiths. She asked in desperation, “What do I do?” I couldn’t help but think of Joseph Smith’s story, how he noticed the confusion in the world of religion and wondered what there was to do. I have felt that myself and know that what Joseph learned in James 1:5 is true, we must pray. Here is a short film that explains it really well for me:
I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for being a missionary. I love putting my nametag on every day. I know that we can be answers to prayers and bearers of peace and love to those who lack it. As you pray for guidance to know who to serve be mindful of the love Christ places in your heart for those around you and let your heart be the guide. General conference on lds.org is the perfect place to seek council and guidance.
With love,
Starszy Kimball
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