Feeling like a current bush

Missions are crazy. I never know how I am feeling. Recently, especially I have had so many conflicting feelings. There has been a lot of inconsistency. For example I often feel alone out here but this past week I also had some of the greatest love for the other missionaries during zone training. We first met with the missionaries in Warsaw and then on Thursday went down to Kielce where missionaries from Lublin also joined for our second training. Having two meetings is fun because you get to see how things change, each group has personal needs and has specific wisdom to share. My favorite part is testimony bearing because that is when I feel the Spirit the strongest as well as love for others. During the discussion there is a lot intellectual and spiritual fun and learning but the I love feeling the Spirit strongly within. I have been reminded how vital the Spirit is in teaching. It's the only way we can know. We can do all the searching and wondering we want but unless we open up our hearts and feel the confirming witness of the Holy Ghost we can not know of Heavenly Father's love for us. His presence is a light in my life. A guiding light of clarity and warm.

When we were in Kielce we had some extra time after the training until our trains home so we planned some activities for the zone. We first went to a quaint pierogarnia and ate some good old Polish food (I had żurek and pierogi z mięsem). Then we had a major finding activity on the main street in Kielce: Świdnicka. We missionaries stationed at a free table on one end, a group of us at a whiteboard on the other end of the street, and a couple companionships weaving in and out along the road. Not only was it successful in the outcomes but there was such a boost of energy and unity. It was fun. I just feel so a part of this group that has been called to be here in Poland. I am grateful that my love for Poland did not come immediately. There was no immediate connection and the lack of a link was felt. However, this led me to search for a love of this country. I have such a love of Poland and feel that I have been called here for me, this mission and this country are for me. Recently, I have been struggling to see the ways that Poland needs me, I haven't noticed much of what I contribute here -  which is prideful and ungrateful when I look back at the all the opportunities Heavenly Father has let me been a part of - but rather than focusing on why Poland needs me I have discovered that I need Poland. 

For a while I have been wobbling on tougher times. It's been odd because it hasn't been as dramatic as other hard times rather a constant blah period where I just feel a block. For a while I was wondering what I needed to get out of the experience. I learned a lot about God's purposes so I wasn't doubting that there were lessons to be learned I just wasn't seeing them. Much more recently these lessons are becoming more apparent. President Edgren gave us missionaries a packet full of the dedicatory blessings for Poland, some of his favorite talks from church leaders, and some information about Poland. In it you can find "the current bush" by Hugh B. Brown. It talks about the need for us not only to realize that we are sometimes cut down to be pruned to something better but what I understood from it today was trusting that God may have someone else in mind for us to become. Comparing is pointless, especially as we look for what we have to offer. I have tried to change my thinking from "I'm I accomplishing everything I wanted to" to "Am I fulfilling everything Heavenly Father expects of me." That is the starting point. Humility, patience, and diligence is needed. It's a process I'm working on.

Exciting things are happening. Elder Garrett and I are meeting with Asad and Musa. They are from Afghanistan, they escaped because, as Christians, their lives were in threat. Communication is difficult - Asad speaks some english and Musa speaks some Polish and they communicate in a Persian dialect of Farsi. I hope that they can feel the truthfulness of our message despite the barrier thanks to the power of the Spirit. Church yesterday was incredible, there were a lot of people there. Being the fifth Sunday the third hour of church was combined and it was so fun, our branch is the best. Yesterday was President Edgren's birthday, Sister Edgren organized a surprise party with all of us missionaries in Warsaw. This week I will be a missionary for a year! Things are happening, I'm still growing and having fun. 

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball