The Close

38 years ago today, August 24 1977, President Spencer W. Kimball stood in Ogród Saski in this beautiful city of Warsaw to dedicate this sacred land, Poland, for missionary work. I am grateful to remember this day that commenced the very work that has proven to bless and alter my life forever.

I have come have to love Poland and her people. I am eternally grateful for the people and experiences that have shaped me. 

My final invitation is for each of you to make the reslution to come to know Divinity one on one. We have inspired sources of truth and blessed support through others but we must come to know God individually and personally. If you are seeking, direction, guidance, or peace in your life you can reach out to a Heavenly Father. Prayer is a conversation so converse with God in a way that works for you. Think of everything that is good, that is truly good: light, inspiring, calm, energizing, loving... Remember that you are reaching out to the source of all that is good. As somebody that is too often convinced in thinking and acting in his own way I testify that if we are humble and meek we will recognize God communicating back to us as described in 2 Nephi 31:3, "For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding." God created us, He knows us, and He wants us to succeed.

As we discussed in church yesterday up in Gdańsk the Spirit is our driving force. We know the road to take, we have been given different instructions and the Spirit is the energizing force propelling us forward. When we have His presence all is possible.

I have known for a while that the Atonement of Christ is the answer and solution to all of the world's problems but I am seen new ways of the application. I know that when I feel Christ's love all of my problems go away. Taking on His characteristics is what makes us happy. It all comes back to love and charity. When we love ourselves, others, and our God we are happier. 

I was anxious about my mission but even my nerves were not prepared for the pain and challenges that I would face. Equally, I was far less prepared for the miracles, love, lessons, and relationships that I would be blessed with. I have a firm conviction of being an optimist. There are plenty of problems and worries to consume us but when we focus on good, truly good, things our lives change and we change to become our true selves. 

Thank you everyone who has loved and supported me.  Odczuwałem obecność Ojca Niebiańskiego w polsce w trakcie misji i wiem bez wątpliwości, że On jest świadomy jej ludu. Jego miłość do polaków jest rzeczywista. Niech Bóg błogosławi ten święty kraj.

For the last time,

Starszy Kimball

Nec Temere Nec Timide

This week each day was filled with small, simple, special moments. One day it was while we were knocking door to door in a nieghboorhood, the next just on the streets, and again while on a free table. There were a handfull of individuals I met where I was able to connect with them. I tried to understand them and from my experience and journey out on the mission I have things to say. Missionary work is so much more meaningful when it is personal and being bold is so much more effective when there is love and authenticity. I don't know what these people went away with but I left each conversation spiritually edified and renewed. 

We had some exciting events as well such as, going to Gdynia - the third town in this tri-city coast region. We went there to visit less-active members of the branch (none of them live there anymore) but we were able to see part of the city during our lunch hour. It was fun. For culture night we had a grill with Monika and Krzysztof and some of their friends. Monika comes to English class and when she doesn't have school she comes to church. She is incredible - a friend to the missionaries and a wonderful example. We had the BBQ by some woods that surround Gdańsk so were able to explore a little. 

I have noticed the Gdańsk crest during my six months in this beautiful city and I have often wondered what the Latin motto written beneath the crown and crosses meant. So I looked it up and it describes very well the lessons I have learned during my time up north. 

I have been reviewing journals this past transfer - not all of them but certain time periods - and I have remembered the different feelings I had. Sometimes excited, sometimes stressed, sometimes down trodden. In the trials I have faced the answer to the questions I have don't always seem to be the main theme but I learn how to handle people, situations, life. I have found that we cannot be afraid of life but we also need to be meek as we go forward. The emblem "Nec Temere Nec Timide" fits perfectly as it translates into "Neither Rashly Nor Timidly." 

I have contemplated the service I have received during my mission and I am most touched by those who show genuine Christlike character. I am grateful for those who are understanding, those who are patient, those who appreciate me and make me feel of worth. I am grateful for those who love me. Christ envelopes everything that is good and that is why we are so powerful in serving others because when we represent him we reflect His light to others. Remember to be that comforter, the uplifter, that loving and caring support to others. I promise it is in this humilty where we find peace. I thank so many for their examples who invite the Spirit who invite love for that is what changes me and makes me better. 

It is odd to be starting my last week but I will strive to adhere to the council preached by my city's motto to go forward "neither rashly nor timidly."

Starszy Kimball

The hand of the Lord (August 10, 2015)

I'm not sure if there is any real theme this week but a ton of faith building experiences:

Last Monday we met Stanisław while we were tracting. He was hesitant to let us in - one of those kind of playing hard to get but we all knew that we were going to sit down and talk so when his wife told him to invite us in for tea he gave in. The lesson went well and we were invited back. As we were walking out I realized the hand of the Lord in us meeting Stanisław. A couple of week ago we had felt prompted to visit some less active members. We chose two but one of the address didn't exist. We looked at the street name and then looked at those that exist in Gdańsk - there were some clues that made it look like it might have been an error in recording the address so we found the street that we thought it might be and traveled out. Although, it was less than a 20 minute bus ride from the center of town we were out in the country in an area we never would have gone to had we not researched the needed buses. While we were there we missed a turn, got a little lost and found a beautiful street with Polish fields as the surrounding scenery. We went back found the address and realized the member didn't live there. I really liked the area though so last Monday we decided to go back. While we were visiting these home we met Stanisław who recognized us because he had met sister missionaries a couple of years prior. I thought of the guidance Heavenly Father had given to have His servants reach out to this specific man. I look forward to seeing how his reading and praying went.

Before district meetings on Tuesday we have a group language study. Sister Grgich bought some language learning books so we have been basing our study off of them. We were doing a listening comprehension exercise. I asked what level the book was for and was surprised that she said A2 (on the international scale from A1 up to C2). I voiced my concern that wouldn't these exercises be too hard for an A2? Sister Grgich then responded with some great wisdom. She replied that if the student using the book could already master the exercises then they wouldn't be learning, those at A2 are supposed to struggle and be stretched by doing this work. It was sort of a "duh" moment but it hit me. This lesson is a theme of my mission. I often feel that the tasks set for us are meant to be mastered but that isn't how it really should be if we are planning on growing. Growth requires a lot more patience and hope but the fruits are of eternally greater worth.

We visited Magda, a member in Sopot. As we talked about gospel truths, as she shared experience about her missionary service (she is the only RM in the branch) I was able to re-learn about the empowering force of gospel truths. When I understand the true plan that God has for us - the role of the Atonement - I feel so good, life just feels right and worries are calmed. Yesterday in church she gave a talk. Not only was her address doctrinely sound (unique in this branch of new members with various backgrounds) but it was full of the Spirit. I felt the Holy Ghost as I heard her sincerely testifying from her heart. Her topic was the blessings of the temple. In priesthood we also talked about the temple and Patryk led the discussion. He and Irek are currently on the train to Wrocław to meet up with other members to bus it to Frankfurt to visit the temple for the first time!

In different lessons as well as meetings on the street or in the park I felt the Spirit. We ran across people who are searching for truth or guidance. We met some who had tricky questions but the Spirit was able to bring peace to the situations and provide answers using personal experiences and lesson drawing from our memory. I saw many miracles this week. 

I have been blessed with more clarity, and my vision for the future for accomplishing as been restored.

Love,

Starszy Kimball

Trusting God (August 3, 2015)

Last Friday I had my last zone conference. It is a pretty major milestone that I have seen groups go through my whole mission. It was fun to travel into Warsaw and have a spiritually uplifting day. I have been in denial about going home so I have been pretty emotionally dead about things. Seeing so many faces and having to say good bye led to the first tears of the end. 

This week was full of experience and learning:

Tyler Finch came and visited Gdańsk with his family on a tour of Poland. I know him as Elder Finch who was in my district second transfer back in Wrocław. It was an incredible night to spend with him, first meeting his family and then having him join us for some missionary work. We didn't serve around each other too much but I looked up to him and after seeing him I still do. He has a peaceful, grateful, positive heir and presence. He has continued to move forward and has kept his love for Poland and her people. It inspired me to enjoy these last few weeks.

The sisters have recently been visiting a former investigator who lives in a senior home. They organized to play the guitar and sing some songs for the patients. We went with them and I experienced a miracle. Sister Grgich played and sang the song "Żeby Polska Była Polską" and the Spirit filled the room. Looking out at the faces, some lifeless, of the people who endured the history that the lyrics taught. When the chorus came, some of the more able listeners joined in. I looked over at the young girl with whom the sisters had coordinated with and tears were in her eyes too. My love for Poland, for these people and my appreciation for my mission came back. It felt so right.

We met with Patryk this past week who is preparing for his mission, he is 21. I remember when I was here last Elder Jackson and I met with him and I asked if he was planning on serving a mission. He said that he wasn't planning on it. A week later we find out that he had started his mission papers. I asked him how he decided to serve. He said that he had been non-committedly thinking about it for a while but he got his answer directly one evening and ever since is set on going. We started going through Preach My Gospel to prepare him and he goes to the temple in a week. I am excited for him to recieve his call.

We are also meeting with Stan, a friend to the missionaries but not a member. He has met different missionaries and has expressed different concerns. Last time I was here I felt that because of some circumstances I couldn't offer what he needed so we didn't meet with him much. For the past couple of weeks we have started again. He doesn't want to be pressured but he is choosing to search and open up. I can't wait for him to feel God's love again and receive some answers. 

We had a sports Saturday with some kids in the branch: Kasia, Tomek, and Anja. We played soccer and got to know them a little bit. I have worried about them growing up without a lot of support in the church but seeing Heavenly Father guiding them and helping them to grow is incredible to see. 

At zone conference I based my testimony off of the principle of trust. I have found that trusting God is essential to finding peace. For me to be confident in moving forward, in dealing with problems, in having hope I must have trust in God's plan and in His love. These truths have been rocky for me but I know that the love Christ has for us is the answer to all of our questions and concerns. It is hard and we are tested but when we can trust God then we are stable. I know that Christ's perfect love and understanding is possible only through His atoning sacrifice. His love is a constant and will get us out of all darkness.

Starszy Kimball

Under Construction

Throughout my mission I have been annoyed by construction. Would be nice, pretty street views, and city landscapes are dirtied by the non-stop tearing up and building that happens everywhere. I have noticed that it makes for a good metaphor when related to my personal growth. Often it would be nice to just be still, to not have anything undergoing work. We as people are always working on different aspects. Sometimes everywhere and other Times only a little. It seems that as soon as one project is finished multiple others have already popped up. Some areas seem to always be under construction, others will need reconstruction. I often think that I just want it all to be done, finished. I was sharing my irritation with another missionary about construction and he said that he likes seeing it because it means that cities are always improving. We are always under construction, often that means things are messy and an inconvenience but it also means that we are always growing and developing. I still get frustrated but I am trying to appreciate construction – both out in the world as well as my personal growth.

I went to Bydgoszcz on exchange this past week – it was so good. I got to be with Elder Hubbard so of course it was a ton of fun. We were able to talk about trials of being close to the end and encourage each other. This week we will have zone conference and all the elders from my group will be there – one last gathering before our last.

This week we had a few good things happen. Elder Larsen and I went searching for less-active members of the Gdańsk branch. The addresses were wrong or didn’t exist but we had an adventure that day seeing some really beautiful, rural parts of our area. With the sisters we had an interactive finding activity in town about gratitude, it just put a smile on my face.

Recently, I have been trying to feel a current love and passion for my mission and it fluctuates. Usually, I am excited for church but yesterday I wasn’t. Luckily, it all turned around once I got there. We had really uplifting meetings and my love for the members was strong. Recently, I have also found how powerful music is and how much it heals and energizes my soul.

There were a few conversations and inspired talks that lead up to it, this past week during personal study I experienced a miracle.  Elder Hubbard was asked to give a talk last Sunday about what to do when losing your faith. He shared his talk with me which had been based off of Sister Rosemary M. Wixom’s talk from last General Conference, „Returning to Faith”. So while at the chapel for English class, I downloaded the talk and listened to it the next morning. The discussions Sister Smith and I had shared on the bus to and from Bydgoszcz (she had an exchange as well) had prepared me to be open to the message. Not only was the talk comforting but something sparked a bright feeling inside of me. The Spirit brought to my remembrance the missionaries that have been fasting and praying for me as I go through this hard time. I remember my family who had done the same. I felt the love they all had for me. Sometimes difficult to accept.

I have been trying to understand the Atonement more. Something I have always held dear is that Christ perfectly understands us thanks to the atonement but lately that has sounded hollow. As I felt the love of my family and fellow missionaries I also felt Christ’s love. I knew that He knew that their prayers and support were exactly what I needed. My hope that God does have a plan and answers our  prayer through others was restored. Love conquers all. I am grateful for God’s plan, for Christ’s love and enabling power, and for the love and comfort from my family and friends. God’s timing is important. Miracles happen!

Starszy Kimball

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/returning-to-faith?lang=eng

Starszy Kimball's New Groove

I feel a bit like Kusco from The Emperor's New Groove. Near the end of the movie Kusco and Pacha are trying to turn Kusco back into a human and escape. Pacha grabbed a bunch of viles from Izma's cabinet and starts testing them out to see if any of them will do the trick. Kusco then transforms from a turtle to a whale to a small bird until one of the viles turns him back into a llama. With relief he exclaims "Horray I'm a llama again!" Until he pauses and realizes that he isn't a human yet.

Now - trying to relate this back to me - I feel like I was going through a period where I was doing different things to just become me again, I didn't want to be broken anymore. It took different tries and I have gone through transforming periods where I have been different. This week I have found some peace and hope. There are some mornings I have a sigh of relief where I feel like I am back to me - not back to my real or best self but I am back to my functioning "llama" self. I know that like Kusco after going though life shaping changes I will one day be able to return back to my "true" self but this time stronger and more loving than before. For now, I am back on my feet, I know how to move forward now having a clearer head and vision.

The hand of the Lord is in the work daily but it was especially easy to notice last Tuesday. During district meeting Sister Smith saw written in my planner "Park Oliwski" for our evening block. I had felt prompted to go there (which is interesting because I have been more lost than usual with where to go). Sister Smith said that they were planning to go there too. I was worried we would have to change our plans as not to overwhelm the park with too many missionaries. Both companionships ended up going and it was clear that it was not a coincidence. We all had miracles. It was one of those nights where everybody seemed to be open and wanting to talk. The sisters met a couple of families, and even though she wasn't playing it, Sister Grgich's guitar attracted some kids. We met a few young single adult guys and then met Walentyna. She is a young pregnant mother from Belarus. We shared that we were sharing a message and helping others find answers to questions and find sense in a world full of problems and confusion. She then said that she thought we must be sent from God to answer her prayer. We had a heart felt conversation, reading from the Book of Mormon and bearing testimony of simple truths.

Another miracle of the week. A few days later we decided to return to that park and while we were there met Piotrek. A student who spoke with us mostly about his massage therapy course. We then talked about our purpose as missionaries and what we are offering. He said that he may come to church but it wasn't one of the most profound meetings of my mission. Fast-forwarding to Sunday I see somebody walk through the door that I recognize but I can't figure out where from. It then hits me that it was Piotrek from the park, our little conversation had impacted him. He went home and researched us reading from mormon.org and liked what he read. In church one talk cited the Book of Mormon multiple times and the other speaker shared his conversion story which was based upon the Book of Mormon. He was interested to hear all about it. We are set up on Tuesday now!

It is nice when people react well to our message.

We were invited back over to Józef and Irena's this past Saturday. I just love them so much. We had a little grill with the Taggarts this time and for dessert Irena had made a huge, beautiful cake with fresh rasberries - so good! 

I have tried to become comfortable feeling weak. It is hard when I encounter insecurities, not feeling like enough, and just being scared. Thankfully, I have found something that is true, something to hold onto: love from family and friends. I have felt it, I have experienced it. I have needed it and recently have been blessed with much of it. Thank you.

In her email this week my mother wrote about some purposes of suffering. She noted how Christ suffered to be able to succor us. I know that although I have encountered a lot of confusion I have gained some and will gain much more understanding thanks to this painful suffering. I am making it to be a point to be more positive, peaceful, and grateful. I am already starting to be more gratful for this trial period.

troskliwie,

Starszy Kimball

Alma 5:7

This past week mirrored the poor weather at times. We had exciting moments of finding new investigators but then we were flaked and canceled on multiple times. Luckily, there were some bright moments too. For example, yesterday was hard - tracting felt stale and worthless in the area we were in but then when we made it back to our place a little early and decided to introduce ourselves to our neighbors we found a miracle with Paweł and Dorota - a young couple who would like to have us over some time.

Last week, we were able to get in touch with two less active members this past week - neither one really from our doing. Alexei's records popped up in the system after living here for two years. He is a YSA from Ukraine who has been living in Gdynia recently. It has been a struggle for him to be living in the comotion of the world while trying to live according to his faith. He wants to get his life on track, be in church, and maybe even go on a mission - he seems pretty sharp. Elder Whiting told me about Piotr, a less-active whose records are in Bydgoszcz. He is a teacher here in Gdańsk who was willing to meet but I wondered if he was missing the point of church and all. However, throughout the meeting he opened up about how he felt the Spirit when he was in church and following the commandments so wants to give it another go. They both have good potential. Monica, a longtime student from English, was there this week. She is friendly and accomplished - I wonder about her thoughts concerning the church, baptism etc. Józef and Irena are a delight, as always. They want to help the missionaries in any way that they can, both are very sweet. I'm still looking to encourage and attitude and habit of service among the members. 

Last week I mentioned how I felt lost and broken. I can't say that I am put back together but I am building. Watching mormon messages during lunch hour after being flaked multiple times and having the chance to speak in church the first Sunday back into the new chapel (it just had a renovation) brought light into my life. I felt the Spirit, I felt love. As I said last week I have been trying to invite Christ more into my life and His influence has acted as a personal compass. When I face the different situations of my life this past week I oftened looked to Christ asking to know how to proceed. I felt the Spirit's guiding hand and I was able to follow my heart. Due to confusion I have been afraid to follow my heart but the fruits of the Spirit are sure: humility, meekness, charity, selflessness. I have felt more sure on small levels - it helps tremendously. I read a conference talk that referenced Alma 5:7, it touched my heart.

 7 Behold, he (the Lord)  changed their hearts; yea, he awakened themout of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold,they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word

Being in darkness has helped me to more clearly see the light. I am receiving it slowly but I am grateful (as Elder Wright once put it) for the stars of light on the night's darkness I lose myself in.

I encourage you to focus on what it truly good, follow your heart to be more kind, full of service, patient, and loving. 

with love,

Starszy Kimball

Catching up on last few weeks

Broken (July 6, 2015)

It is wonderful to be back in Gdańsk (I still say Warsaw sometimes when I talk with people on the streets or writing this email before correcting myself). I feel blessed that I get to finish my mission in this beautiful place. It has been sunny and HOT this past week and Elder Larsen and I have been out in it. Heavenly Father reconfirmed His method of answering prayers through others:

On Friday we were walking along a park by the beachy shores of the Baltic. We were approaching a lot of people when this guy on a bike comes up to us. We start talking about the work. He doesn't associate with any church but founded a company to inspire smiles and positivity. He told us that he likes to take pictures of interesting people smiling and show them to struggling kids (mainly in hospitals). He encrouages wonderful values and service. 

http://www.worldsmilearchive.com/ (scroll down to the pictures and we are right there!)

On Saturday we were waiting for a tram when a lady who used to meet with the sister missionaries came up to us and introduced herself as Enis. She took the tram with us and we were able to have a decent conversation. She has been searching and wondering about God for a while. There are so many questions, there is so much confusion - life is a struggle. We talked about a few things and as we had both exited the tram about to head opposite directions across the street she stops us. She reminds us that the Devil works on us when we are striving to accomplish good. 

We were riding that tram to Józef and Irena's house - I love being back in Gdańsk. Józef embraces me and they have a grill for us in their garden with kiełbasa and kompot (a homemade fruit drink - super polish). It was a beautiful day with the sun, fruit trees, flowers, and good company. Józef is more observant than I realized. While we were talking he looks at me and says "you look tired." I agree making a joke about how nearly two years on a mission will do that. He pauses and says, "but it doesn't seem like a physical fatigue, more of a psychological one." He then compared me to a lemon that has been squeezed until there was no more juice. 

Yesterday the Shaws had us over for the last time (they finish their mission this week - I am going to miss them!) and when they went to take John home (a member from Nigeria who lives in Gdynia) the district (Sisters Smith and Grgich, and my companionship) stayed. We got talking and it turned into a deeply needed conversation. The sisters talked about feeling broken, stripped of strengths, and having changed (visibly - others comment on it) and not for the better - in a haze that won't go away.

All of these experience are highlight themes of my week. I am relearning how to rely on Christ because I feel like, right now, there is nobody else to lean on. Despite the good elements and moments in my days I feel broken. Ever since my second transfer in Gdańsk - the first wave of depression - I have never been the same. I feel like I have changed but not for the better. Like Enis said, I have felt so much opposition - more than ever before and Józef could see how it has been weighing on me. Going through the trials I have as a missionary is an extremely interesting experience for me. The mission seems like the most inopportune time, mainly because time is so precious and I don't have much left. I feel like an investigator, feeling on the outside, awkward and unsure - wanting to feel and know what I read and hear about. There is a void, there is a lack of trust and direction. I am grateful that I can still have so many incredible experiences to learn from even when most things are blurry. I have been thinking about some of my favorite sciptures: Ether 12:27, 2Nephi 31:3, Alma 7:11-13, Mosiah 24:14-16, and Matthew 11:28-30. I'm taking this as a opportunity to forget about virtually all else and focus on my relationship with Jesus Christ.

Pozdrawiam,

Starszy Kimball

25 years in Poland (June 29, 2015)

This past weekend the Polish saints and missionaries gathered into Warsaw to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Poland Warsaw Mission. It was wonderful to see so many missionaries, members, and friends from all over. 

Saturday was a little stressful. There was tension in the air to get everything done and have the event go according to plan. I love people but large social gatherings stress me out. Sunday was a day of peace and renewal. This past transfer has been the hardest yet. I have never felt so empty, so lost, so drained of security and confidence not just in myself but in others. I have started to learn the lessons and feel the blessings. The Sunday conference filled me with the Spirit and catalyzed a restoration of self. My faith in Christ, my gratitude for my mission, and my love for those I have spent the past two years with were all restored. 

I have learned the value of meekness and being submissive. Temptations and struggles of the mission are different from "normal life". As a missionary we are protected well from breaking the big commandments. However, keeping the more subtle commandments related to character and integrity has been an on-going battle. The situations I have been in have stretched me more than ever, less physically but more mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are able to focus more on the higher law of love and work to apply it. 

As I have mentioned before my strengths and weaknesses have swapped around, my testimony and characteristics seem to drain from me and I have been empty and weak. I have learned a lot about how to treat those that are weak, struggling, making wrong choices because I have been there. My mission is one surprise after another with curve balls and blindsides from every direction.

The gospel, the Spirit, our Savior Jesus Christ don't remove the struggles or prevent the heartache of the world. These challenges are part of the plan. What changes is often not our circumstance but us. The Spirit enriches our heart's ability to feel passion and goodness. My mindset and view has changed more than anything from the experiences I have gone through.

I am currently writing from our cozy little library in Gdańsk listening to music playing through the summer air. I am with Elder Larsen (in his fifth transfer) and Sisters Grgich and Smith. This is a strong group with a lot of promise! 

Love,

Starszy Kimball

Trusting God (June 22, 2015)

My trainer Elder Godwin introduced me to the mission field and taught me a lot, preparing me for what would lie ahead. One lesson that he learned from a young men's leader has stuck with me and has been on my mind for the second half of this transfer. We were talking about the idea of sin. Elder Godwin said that we all know that "sin" is bad, the only time we choose it is when we don't trust that Heavenly Father's way (aka keeping the commandments) will make us happier. A pretty straightforward idea but it has hit home with me recently more than ever. My mission has tested my trust in God time and time again. My loyalty has faltered, my memory short, and my heart and mind confused. When Heavenly Father's path is stretching to the point of tearing and pain it is hard to trust Him. I have learned that there are an infinite array of things that can go wrong. I have struggled, been in new situations, reacting in different ways. I have had weakness become strength, I have had strength become weakness. We are all imperfect and our imperfections clash. As I said, there seems to be an endless array of negatives. I have worked to trust Heavenly Father, to regain my faith and strengthen it. What I have been reminded of is one of the most beautiful doctrines. Sister Poklinkowska once in a zone conference shared her testimony how grateful she is that thanks to God's omniscience our plans are intricately webbed together but luckily for us it is so simple. That is true! All we need is the Spirit, the Holy Ghost, one simple light to overcome the encroaching darkness. Sister Bown taught me to love my mission and to center it on Christ. My first district has had a profound impact on me and their examples and words have been more relevant this past week than ever before. The clarity, peace, and gifts of the Spirit (namely: love, patience, understanding, meekness) all come when we are close to the Holy Ghost and we are reminded of God's perfect character and desire that we will reach our potential. Jesus Christ is a source of hope and peace, if our spiritual or religious life isn't fulfilling those needs then we need to make some changes to truly come closer to our Creator who wants only the best.

Elder Hubbard and I went to Szczecin this past week, I have now been to all of the cities where missionaries serve in the mission The district up there is on fire, I am grateful we were able to spend some time with them. I was able to spend a whole day with Elder Platter - he really is one of my best friends, we had so much fun. This is my last week in Warsaw - a lot to report on next week!

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Starszy Kimball

Happiness is success (June 15, 2015)

I spent most of this previous week with Elder Weggersen (Elder Hubbard was traveling in the south - I will be spending this week with him) and we accomplished a lot, especially while working with other missionaries. Last Tuesday we attended Warsaw II's district meeting (the other group of missionaries in Warsaw). I felt at home there, partly because most of the missionaries have had a draining transfer but there was a good atmosphere. Elder Taylor led a district meeting that helped spark this real change in me to get back on my feet, to turn outward. He addressed the dark times and then replied with an empowering, humble, sincere, loving, spiritual discussion. These are the experiences that change me. The time there answered my prayers, I felt Christ restoring my faith. He wrote on the board:  Success is happiness Happiness is success. I agree. 

Later that day we went to a little town, Pruszków, and did some finding with Elders Taylor and Solmes. On Thursday I spent the day with Elder Wilcox, then on Friday we had a whiteboard with Elders Larsen and Lanterman. I learned a lot from working with these different Elders.

I had a week of building back up. On Thursday we squeezed our lunch and dinner hours together to go and visit the Jewish museum here in Warsaw. Kaja, an investigator from Warsaw II is a guide so took us around, I loved it. The culture, the history of Jews in Poland is fascinating then culminating in the tragic events of the Holocaust. We spent some time learning about the Jewish ghettos around Poland, zoning in on the largest one that was in the middle of Warsaw. Unlike most the Jewish ghettos, in Warsaw it was in the middle of the city, last year I went to a fair and saw the memorials on the ground showing where the wall used to be. Something I didn't realize until going to the museum is that we are currently living in the area it used to be. Seeing the street names where they would gather thousands of Jews a day to train off hit me when in a new way when I saw the street names that we walk everyday. I forget that the massacres I learn about in text books or museums happened where I live and spend my time. Poland has come so far. 

My spirits were further lifted by miracles. Elder Wilcox and I met Anna in a park by where we live. We started talking and she invited us to sit on the bench next to her. Anna was maybe in her late fifties, kind, Catholic. We taught about Joseph Smith, the restoration; she thought it was possible but wasn't looking to change faiths. Thanks to our message we were able to discuss prayer, something close to Anna's heart. I told Anna that we as missionaries pray to be the answers to the prayers of others so inquired to see if we could help. She mentioned that her mother, Irena, had recently passed away and asked if we could pray for her. I then shared how I had recently been going through a hard time but after telling some friends and family I had started to feel their prayers. As I said that listened and from her asked earnestly about the comfort I felt from the prayers, how I actually could feel their impact. Little moments of vulnerability, of love and care outline my mission experience. 

There is a musical performance planned for each Sunday this month since June is the month of invitation. A group of missionaries prepared the EFY medley in Polish. As they were singing I looked over at Sister Czesak who was singing along with tears in her eyes. I have fasted and prayed for her family, I have pondered and tried all I can. Although, the progress seems slow and I question why I am being blessed with love and a drive to serve them if they aren't ready to accept it yet. It can make me feel like I didn't do enough or worry about their future. Well in that moment, during sacrament, I was filled with the Spirit and I felt Heavenly Father's love for the Czesak family. I knew He was not only mindful of them but with them. Seeing Ula's goodness I know Heavenly is eternally pleased with and grateful for her. Feeling God's love for the families of Warsaw I experienced some tears of my own. 

My heart is being softened once again. In times of trial and confusion I start to shut it off. The lyrics to a song about the Savior have been playing through my mind, "being slow to anger". The scriptures teach us the value of being meek, humble, and included slow to anger. I love being passionate and driven but my mission has taught me the ever valubale worth of being "meek and lowly in heart". Thinking our way out of forgiveness or being kind, using logic or justification to be impatient or judgmental - none of this brings happiness. Humility is spiritual gift I seek and am working to have more of. I know that the Savior understands us, that is why He can, and does, so perfectly comfort and lift us. 

Love,

Starszy Kimball

Nigdy nie beziesz sam (June, 8, 2015)

There is a lot more light in my life! While thinking about what I want to accomplish during my last few months of my mission I have looked back to my patriarchal blessing and (in line with how my mission usually goes) my eyes were opened to see how something that I stress out about fulfilling has already been in play and I have been enjoying the blessings of it. This week taught me about the gift of the Holy Ghost. 

Throughout my mission I have felt the Spirit to different degress as He plays different roles: comforter, testifier of truth, a warning voice. As baptized members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have the promise of the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as long as we keep our promises to remember Christ, take His name upon us, and follow His commandments. Although, I have noticed events where the Spirit has filled my heart I have been painfully unaware of His constant presence in my mission. It took losing His companionship for me to notice the gift I have had for so long. It reminded me to be less worried and more grateful! The events of the past week helped me figure some things out:

Elders Hubbard, Weggersen, and I are still doing our traveling training. This past week we had the opportunity to visit a district of missionaries struggling with depression. We tailored our meeting to be more geared towards them and the comments made that the district made touched my aching soul. 

I was able to go to Lublin and have an exchange with both Elders Sidwell and Weiler as well as Elders Park and Schwanke. I was lifted while I was there. My first night we were doing a group finding acitivity when we found a huge Catholic celebration for a religious holiday here: Boże ciało (the Body of God). There was a huge Polish gospel choir concert with tons of priests, nuns, monks, families, youth! It was all praising our father in Heaven - I loved it! I even bought their CD. (there was one song where the Spirit touched me called "nigdy nie będziesz sam" - "you will never be alone") I was able to meet Paweł, an investigator preparing for his baptism this upcoming Saturday, visit some less active members in Zamość (a town a ways outside of Lublin - their closest meeting house), and have some time to meet some wonderful people street teaching. Elder Sidwell and I are tight but I didn't know most of the Elders and it was a great time to learn from them and work by their side. 

While back in Warsaw we attended a baptism where a few hiccups popped up but I felt the Spirit and I knew our imperfections don't prevent God from letting us feel the Spirit when we are humble and open. After that we had a whiteboard activity in the old town of Warsaw and I had some of the best conversations and experience that I have had in a while.

In the most difficult parts of my mission I become self absorbed. I have been learning and remembering (and have been reminded) to get out of myself. It's interesting that I felt so prompted to talk about turning outward rather than inward at zone conference right before the peak of this depression where I would need that council most. It's a simple principle for us to forget ourselves and think of others but it isn't so easy in practice. At least not for me. Recently, others have been telling me that I am a deep thinker, not so much in a "you are a thoughtful type" more in a "you overthink everything" kind of way. I have been taught to follow my heart and not worry so much about the chaos in my head but I struggle with it. I never doubted Joseph Smith's story but I found a much deeper love and connection to it on my mission. What I love most is the idea that there are so many voices shouting out to us, directing us in what is right and wrong but we have the opportunity to go to God and ask Him. Again, it appears so simple and often is but also has proven to be pretty tricky. 

Nearing the end of my mission I do think about home every so often but I haven't struggled too much with being trunkie (losing steam and just wanting to finish my mission and go home). Despite all the noise and depression and whatever I am not ready to end, I am excited about the time that I have left. What I am struggling with is understanding God's will and plan, understanding relationships with others and how to go about doing things. It is a challenge to have vision and drive but have things change all the time, it makes shooting for excellence less appealing when I know road blocks and trials will come but I am working on being more trusting of God to remember that His way and His will is better than mine.

I have found a simple equation that helps me get out of my low points:

gratitude + repentance + service = feeling the Spirit

Remembering to be grateful for what I have and see the blessings that I often miss, repenting for my sins even when others are pointing them out and I want to be deffensive, serving others even when I feel like my impact doesn't make a difference and I feel like I am lacking guidance or strength for who or how to serve. God lets us fall, he lets us struggle, he lets us get mad and a little defeated because there are lessons to be learned. Words from other missionaries, scriptures, and family and friends from home have taught me a lot of these lessons this past week.

I would like to finish by sharing a miracle:

Yesterday in fast and testimony meeting two sisters from the branch bore their testimony about the power of prayer. Sister Pogorzelska shared her conviction that God hears and answers prayers, Sister Jarosz added the power of prayers that have been said on her and her family's behalf recently. 

Jumping over to later in the church block I was talking with a member who is dear in my heart. I have received a lot of love and direction to reach out to her family since being back in Warsaw. I have prayed, fasted, and pled for them. Yesterday as we spoke I had to accept that at this point I have done all that I can, Heavenly Father does have a plan but right now there isn't much for me to do. With the current state of my mind and how my thought process has been working it should have sent me off into another questioning mental rant of confusion and hurt. I was in a situation to feel unjustice and have plenty to justify my feelings. However, despite the being a little heartbroken I felt a lot of peace and there was a hope and knowledge that everything would be okay. I remembered back to the MTC when I seemed to have an unconquerable Spirit - no matter the stress or worries I just at peace with a sure hope that the future would be bright because it is in the Lord's hands. I had noticed, for the first time, how specifically the prayers that others were offering on my behalf were being answered.

This morning as we were driving to the mission office to email I received a text from Elder Sidwell hoping that I was doing better (we had talked about my struggles while I was there) and informing me that he had fasted for me yesterday. I then come to email to receive an outpouring of love from my family with words of understanding and encouragement. Family and mission friends had put my name on the temple prayer role and many have been praying for me. I am grateful for the principle from one of my favorite quotes that my mom reminded me of, “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." President Spencer W. Kimball

Here is to another wonderful week! Remember that we never are nor ever will be alone,

Starszy Kimball

Promised blessings of the discipleship of Christ

Well Kristin got married! It was exciting and surreal to see all of the pictures. I am happy for her, she looked beautiful. It was good to see family and friends gathered, everyone looked great! It is difficult being so far away but I am grateful for the connecting power of technology. 

I was touched again this last week as I sat in Sunday church meetings by the Spirit present. I mentioned last week how grateful I am for the Holy Ghost, for His influence. I have thought about His role, especially what I felt as I sat in church after a hard week. When I have the Spirit I can really see. Confusion is erased and expelled. I don't judge others, but I love them, I am patient and see their best side. Looking at the fruits of the Spirit I can only describe it as being on a higher plane, a higher level of being and functioning. The Spirit does purify us and lead us to be closer to our Savior.

This past Friday Elder Hubbard and I (Elder Weggersen was traveling around Łódź and Bydgoszcz) went to Pruszków with Elders Campora and Wright. Pruszków is a little town about half an hour from our church building in Warsaw where the district president, President Dresler, encouraged us to go to find families. We spent the day there and I had the opportunity to work with Elder Wright - he is one of my favorites. He was being trained by Elder Weggersen my last transfer in Warsaw the first time. For the past couple weeks we have both been having a harder time and we were able to talk - Elder Wright is one of the most genuine, positive guys I know with a heart of gold. We met Kasia, a young mom, in the main park and had a nice converstaion with her: very natural. She was extremely humble and taught me by example. She was disenchanted from talking about the differences between varrying churches because of the contention in determining who is "right" about little details. She said that we all believe in God and that is most important, in her Catholic background she has found God and she may not agree with everything but in humilty she tries to support her leaders and ensures that her personal relationship with God is always strong (a good lesson for us all!) As we spoke I had one of those moments where I was taught something in what I said, sensing the words were not my one. As missionaries we don't go around to declare to others that their church is "wrong" or that ours is simple more "correct" - it isn't in the battle of details where our work matters. These differences do cause many of us in the religious world to lose sight of our end goal of being Christlike but nonetheles the differences do have importance. The differences in doctrine that we offer have meaning and weight because they help us to understand the Savior more and inidividually become more like Him. I, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, care little about proving somebody wrong and myself right; seeing lives change with more hope, vision, and love as we accept Christ into our life more fully means everything. Elements of truth are all around us and the way we live our lives, the commandments we keep and the eternal laws we break do matter and affect our happiness. Heavenly Father is merciful and is aware of each of us in our circumstances with our personal experience. I know that the teachings and more importantly the Spirit found in this church I represent help me to be the best "me" I can. That is what it is all about. At the end of our pleasant discussion we didn't exchange numbers to set up for another time but we had all learned something. Sometimes experiences like this, although good learning opportunties, worry me about my impact but luckily, Heavenly Father was preparing me for something else.

Elder Hubbard and I met with Adam on Saturday evening. Adam is the young student who Elder Retallick and I met on the street last transfer. We had the best lesson with him yet. He is a good listener and takes what we say to heart. We taught about "The Gospel of Jesus Christ" (referring to the third lesson from the missionary handbook, "Preach My Gospel") which contains five points: faith in Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. We talked about these steps and stages in the most natural and Spirit led way. It was poweful and Christ was at the center of everything we taught. The conversation with Kasia the day before helped prepare me for Adam. I have talked with Elder Hubbard about how we are both tired of feeling like we are trying to drag others to change or accpet our message - the attitude we have as we talk about principles is changed. With Adam we were able to promise all of the blessings that we see and enjoy from being baptized and having the Spirit. He has already begun to repent in his nightly prayers and is being more guided by his feelings. I am filled with respect and love for Adam, I'm glad to be working with him.

God's power is never ending, He will never run out of love, patience or mercy. With this assurance we can pray for and have hope with all of those that surround us, we will be edified as we do. Have a wonderul week.

Starszy Kimball