Watching general conference with all of the missionaries here in Warsaw (including President and Sister Edgren) was full of unity and energy. The weekend was sunny and beautiful and we were all on top of the world. A lot of excitement, revelation, and wisdom filled our weekend as we listened to the words of the leaders of Christ's church, so as we see it: the words of Christ He relays to us through His servants on Earth.
I remember talking with my mom before the mission about some political opinion. It came to my attention that we had the same view and my mom made the comment that I think the way I do/ have the views I do because of my parents. I firmly believe that our own convictions are based upon our experience and nurturing but that comment bothered me. I didn't want to think some way just because my parents did but I wanted to believe in it because it was "right". As I started out my mission I soon discovered that there are a lot of differing opinions even among members of our church and I tried to open myself up to be corrected as I found more objective truth. The funny thing now is that I have found that most of my views and thoughts have been confirmed and not changed. There is a metamorphic process that occurs within the mission field but at the same time I think I have found the truth I already had. Growing up I was taught and exposed to a lot and I feel like my mission has given me the opportunity to go off on my own and experience life to find this truth I was already blessed with. The great thing is now I know that I don't only believe it because those around me do, they are the messengers in my life but I have found the answers in personal ways.
During general conference there are different sessions (two hour blocks when different apostles, church leaders, and the prophet will speak) and a common theme of revelation I received was the divinely inspired placement I received into my family. More specifically I received assurance that my mother and father's role as my parents is with purpose. The peace, surety, and gratitude I felt is indescribable. This idea leads me to my next point.
I realized that in missionary work (and in general) I need to be more trusting of others. I cannot control everything and others need to have their own experience and own conviction. Just as I have they need to not rely on my belief but go forward themselves. I know that we all see things because of the different paths we walk and I know that Heavenly Father watches over each of us. We can only know of His divinity and love as we search. He has laid out a simple experiment for us to try if we want to meet Him, our Heavenly Father. We cannot be prideful, want to do things our own way and refuse to be wrong. Rather we must go to him in humility, doing what he invites us to do and open up our hearts. I think that is the real trick, softening our hearts.
I know that in order to trust others to find truth for themselves we need to first find truth for ourselves. President Edgren has adopted the motto "nie bój się, tylko wierz" which translates to "fear not, only believe". I need to rid myself of fear that I have as I teach: the worries and stresses that stem from doubt. This void of fear comes when we have faith in Christ.
I feel like this first half of my mission was focused on my growth. My needs, insecurities, and trials. At this point I think my focus is ready to change. I know that I will continue to be blessed with lessons to learn and strength to lift me up as I struggle but I feel empowered and excited to turn outward, stop focusing so much on me and more on others. Just in my thoughts and focuses on the daily level.
If you want to be able to claim that you personally know something is true go out and do it, experience it and I know that your own witnessing of events will give you a clear surety.
Another transfer looms with the last full week ahead. We are working with Arek and Bowumił still as well as Asad and Musa (our friends from Afghanistan). There was also a fun cultural service activity we did last Saturday. November 1st is "All Saints Day" when cemeteries are packed as descendants come to admire the candle lit resting place of their predecessors. This month everyone is going to the grave site of their family to prepare it for the holiday. We cleared leaves, scrubbed the headstone and outer tomb then placed flower arrangements on top. The feelings reverence, love, and gratitude for ancestors here is touching. Saturday morning the sun was shining and the cemetery was beautiful. My favorite part of the whole thing was to see people seated at the benches and stools (they have permanently placed at the foot of the graves) to ponder, in admiration, on the lives of their families.
I had two exchanges, one with Elder Fotu (he was set apart as a missionary by the same Stake President - he's from highland) and Elder Wright (the current Warsaw trainee who is such a good missionary!) A lot of fun is currently in the work for me in Warsaw.
Ciepło was kocham,
Starszy Kimball
